i have a cold

Self medicating involves not paying attention to stupid people, because my patience is worn thin with this congestion. With no other outlet for the frustration caused by stupidity, due to beeing cooped up in the apartment with a cold, I tend to judge more so than normal. And I yell at the computer screen when stupid things are presented. Much like you might be doing right now. But something has been building for the past week and I just snapped. Right there, just did it. Here is the literal translation of my anger.

Gretzky is innocent. Any Canadian who even slightly insinuates that he should not go to the Olympics because of gambling allegations should do us all a favour and jump off the 15th floor of the closest building they can find. Quick, go. Jump.
(Photo: REUTERS/Finbarr O'Reilly)

Other goings on recently, asides from blatent stupidity prevailing, is a coincidence where the latest NHL general managers meeting took place in...



Las Vegas.

ouch. bad timing.

Band: Wolf Parade (recommended by a friend who I should give thanks to, thanks kenny). Song: I'll believe in anything. Great song.

because nobody knows you, and nobody gives a damn either way.

soccer, north american style

Here's a heads up to NHL coaches everywhere. Get yourself an acting coach. Teach your players how to act on skates. I don't mean disney on ice; I mean fool the refs into calling stupid penalties. It's perfect, once your players can fake without being caught for diving, your team will get numerous 5-3 advantages and be able to score almost at will.

Even if your team is the Pittsburgh Penguins, 3 weeks with this acting coach will have the refs in your back pocket. Coincidently, the Olympic break is coming up, so we're offering a crash course over that time. You'll get three weeks worth of instruction in one and a half.

Seriously, the only major sporting officials who aren't under my ire right now are those who can pinpoint locations of objects that travel upwards of 90 miles per hour. Basketball, Fooball and Ice Hockey are just a joke.

feign 1 a : to give a false appearance of : induce as a false impression [feign death] b : to assert as if true : pretend
2 archaic a : invent, imagine b : to give fictional representation to

I think I should just go to bed and tomorrown 'm going to wake up, and call a do-over on today.

another mystery solved

Napoleon. What was with the hand in the jacket dude? Well, I think I may have solved the mystery of why he put his hand inside his coat today. I caught myself doing the exact same thing, and for some reason I thought of Napoleon.

I know you're on pins and needles, so I'll get to it.

You see, Napoleon used to have a discman, and he would put the cord up through inside his jacket. He had a defective one and with discman's being rare (ipods rarer still), he couldn't exchange it. Back in those days you had to be an emperor to own technology that wasn't going to be invented for a couple of centuries. Anyways, he got the first discman to ever come out in France, and wouldn't you know it? The earphones were sketchy. So, in order to keep music pumping through them, he had to hold his earphones in a very certain way. And that happened to involve his hand being in his jacket.

Ergo sum, he put his hand in his jacket, holding the earphones, pumping through the tunes that got him through those days. We all have had those days when you wish that the music in your ears was all there was. Rock on Napoleon.

nothing left to see

Staring into the darkest of lights, a computer screen in the middle of the night. Waiting for a file to download. Wondering if Radiohead will come out with another album, and where it will take me. I'm thinking this one will be done, (to borrow a phrase from their song 'gagging order') just to take the edge off.

It's so cold here, but not really. It has been colder in the past, and probably will be in the future. Nevertheless, CBC's weather page doesn't list a high for tomorrow. It lists a low of -17, but they're not even bothering to list a high. Which is a good thing, because you don't dress for the 5 minutes during the day when it might reach -13.

99.6% done.

the defence rests

A player will be ruled in bounds if he touches the pylon at the goal line before going out of bounds. For example, a pass would be considered complete if one foot touches the pylon and the other foot is in bounds.

AP Photo Mark Humphrey

Tell me it was the wind in Ford Field that moved the pylon and not Darrell Jackson's right leg before it touched out of bounds.

After this play, Hasselbeck turned to the official and the camera showed him mouthing the words "what's going on?" to the ref. What was going on, NFL?

A question is, after the blown Rothlesberger touchdown, did Seattle have any challenges left to challenge the play?

Madden also said during the game that "sometimes you think you see something when it's not really there" (he was referring to a call made by an official against Seattle). I would call that bias.

imagination takes over study time

On some airlines, they offer complementary beer. Now, say I was travelling to a foreign country, and started consuming copious amounts of alcohol to make the time go by drunker. This is what happens.

Customs Agent: Passport please.
Me: Here you go. What's the cover in this country? In Canadian dollars please. I'm Canadian.
Agent: That's wonderful. (looks at what was handed to him) Sir, this is your drivers license.
Me: Oh sorry. Yeah. Hooo. It's kinda bright in here isn't it?
Agent: May I see your passport sir.
Me: Oh yeah, sorry man, I carry one of those belt thingies to keep stuff safe. One sec. (Proceeds to undoe belt and drop pants instead of taking off passport belt. Then hands the belt to the agent). It's in there.
Agent: This is your belt for your pants. Sir, please pull up your pants.
Me: (looks down). I see. (Looks back up).
Agent: (Hands belt back to me).
Me: Ah thankya. (Takes off passport belt this time and gives it to the agent. Reaches down to do up pants and falls. Decides to put pants on while on the ground).
Agent: Are you here on business or pleasure? (Looks up from passport to see no one there). Sir?
Me: (from the ground) Business.
Agent: Please get up sir. Thank you. State your business.
Me: Gimmiesomewater.
Agent: I'm sorry?
Me: My first order of b-hizness is to get some water. And then some pizza. Where's good pizza? I need a cigarette.
Agent: You can try the airport cafeteria.
Me: Fan-fucking-tastic. That is so, oh man, you have no idea how clutch it is for the airport to have a cafeteria. Man, in Canada, you can't even smoke inside anywhere man, any-fucking-where. Such a gip.
Agent: Your welcome sir. One last thing before we let you go, do you have anything to declare?
Me: I'm drunk.

what's the quota?

It's the end of the month and the officiating in the NHL is getting worse. That must mean that there is a quota of penalties called that a referee has to reach each month.

(Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)
Sidney Crosby sits alone in the penalty box in a game against the Islanders. The NHL is looking into expanding the Penalty Box seating area to accommodate the addiction to penalty calling their officials have. Also on the agenda is the proposal for adding a 2 minute minor penalty for exhaling, that is when a player breathes, and the force of that breath knocks down an opposing player.

Watching the Leafs-Habs game and holy crap are the penalties bad. The officiating has transformed the game into Falcon Beach on ice.

I don't know what that means either.

What it means is that I've taken shits, wiped my ass, and come up with better dialogue on the remnants of my toilet paper than the writing on this show.

Seriously, Falcon Beach sucks, and so does the officiating in the Leafs Habs game.

Although the Falcon Beach has a concept of Party Girls which is kinda cool. Not as good as the Arrested Development idea of Girls with Low Self Esteem though.

I found my dictionary.

Interdict transitive verb 1 : to lay under or prohibit by an interdict
2 : to forbid in a usually formal or authoritative manner
3 : to destroy, damage, or cut off (as an enemy line of supply) by firepower to stop or hamper an enemy

what's in a name?

Today the Deviled Eggs Society went against its own constitution to announce the end of their previous handle. Citing numerous focus group studies, they have come to the conclusion that the dish known as 'deviled eggs' is dropping the word 'deviled' from its name.

An 18th century term meaning spicy, the word deviled has been found to be harming the production of the tastily spicy cold eggs dish. "People would just boil eggs and eat them and not wait for them to get cold, fearing that they would be selling their souls for the tasty treat" said Admishin Farnstinoggle, the president of the Deviled Eggs Fan Society. "So we decided that if we stopped calling them deviled eggs, and just went with 'eggs' or 'coldy treatertons' or even 'somma dem spicy eggs', more people would eat them."

Same cold eggs, different name. Our children are the better for it.

babcock fired

"In hindsight, we should have gotten someone more proven." -Richard Peddie, President and CEO of MLSE January 26, 2006.

Now that he's gone, lets go ahead and speak ill of the dead. When you are going to trade for players, it might be in your best interest to talk to them yourself and see where they are. If the team you're trading with won't let you talk to the players involved in the trade don't do it. The last thing you want to do is trade for a guy, trade your most marketable guy for that guy, and have that guy not want to play for your team.

It's not rocket science, it's called good business. It's totally Babcocks fault that he traded a guy who didn't want to play for the Raptors for a bunch of guys including another one who didn't want to play for the Raptors. Actually, I think the count is up to two now with Eric Williams reportidly demanding a trade a few weeks ago.

Raptors up by 14 at the half.....

and then Kobe decided to show up.



Yeah. So the Raptors lost because of one man. You might hear about how this goes to show how selfish he is, or how ruthless he is. What cannot be disputed are the simple facts. 81 points. And, as a Raptor fan, it's just humbling and awe inspiring to see this occur. I'd much rather see a Kobe drop 81 than a Leafs drop a 7-0.

Mamba. You seriously rule. Congratulations. Even Jordan hasn't done what you just did. For all the shit that might be thrown your way, you are one hell of a basketball player.

Seriously folks, I don't even care about the loss. Bravo, well done.

Remember when he had 63 points by the third earlier this season and quit because the Lakers were winning? This is what he can do when he needs to.

Now I'm going to swear. Holy fucking shit. Pardon my French, I'm a little drunk.

Don't forget to vote. VOTE! Seriously, 81 points and vote.

and now we go live to our correspondent on the scene

So I just got back from the 7-0 Ottawa beating of Toronto. I'm here with my buddy Mike and we both have a few things to say about tonites game. I'm going first, because I am.

Me: Ok, first of all, most fans ever (apparently) at a hockey game tonite 20,093. Lots of Blue and White in the stands. I start a "go Leafs go" chant off the puck drop, and by my third go, the sens have scored. Things do not look good.

They didn't get better. Leafs lost, Belfour was left out to dry by Quinn, I lost my voice by the second period. I hate Spezza. Kid's got talent, but he's a prima-donna. I really don't like his attitude. He's going to get his clock cleaned one of these days. I come to the realization that I will bet on Sweden to win the Gold medal at the Olympics.

That's all from me, I think Mike has something to say. Go Mike.

Mike: Wow, I'm actually saying something here that's not anonymous. I feel so important. Thank you Hoss... err Hossim. Well, first of all, by letting Eddie come out to play the second period after the way the Leafs played in front of him in the first Quinn was basically slapping hall of famer Eddie Belfour in the face. But when he let him come out to play the third, he was pissing in his face. Yes that's right, PAT QUINN PISSED IN THE FACE OF EDDIE BELFOUR. Secondly, the sens fans suck, they're not even fans, I view them all as bandwagon jumpers. As soon as the Sens current winning era is over, they'er going to lose their team, mark my words. In Montreal, I feel a true rivalry, the fans are more passionate and seem to have more fun. With sens fans it's like they have some inferiority complex, it's like a younger brother beating an older brother at something, the younger brother is careful not to boast too much or rub it in the older brothers face because he knows that in the long run he'll get his. And in the long run, Ottawa will get theirs... that being the Sacremento Senators... you heard it here first. Thirdly, I'm going out to party now... woooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

life as a video game

Ever play video games? I do. Mostly I play sporting games. Currently here are the games I play; College Hoops 2k6, NHL 2006, MVP Baseball 2005, Madden 2006. Usually I take a team and play in franchise mode. Owning the team, and getting to play at the same time. Sometimes, rarely, I create a player with my name and assign attributes that I think I would have if I were an athelete. Sometimes I make a perfect player, one who is the fastest, strongest and most talented.

I do this in my fantasy universe, and then this guy comes out and steals my idea. This guy decides to come out and do it in real life. This guy decides to be a hockey player. This guy decides to be unbelievably talented with special cheat codes that allow him to score goals on his back while not facing the net. Who is this guy?

(AP Photo/Paul Connors)

Umm....yeah. Monday January 16, 2005. Phoenix Coyotes versus Washington Capitals. 5-1. 11:54 of the third period. The Great One coaching the visiting squad. Later, Gretzky would say (of Ovechkin's goal) "that was pretty sweet... you know, he's a phenomenal player, and he's been a tremendous influence in the game. It's great to see, because he is that good." (AP)

If you want to catch a clip of what I'm talking about, go to http://mirtle.blogspot.com/2006/01/ovechkin-t-800.html and click on the first link.

Thanks James.

As a side, watch the reaction of Boyd Gordon after Ovechkin puts it in the net. He's the Capital who sped down the ice with Ovechkin and had the best vantage of the puck going into the net. Boyd looked like a 3rd wheel on a hot date. After the puck went in I think he just did a lighting-fast life evaluation and came to the conclusion that as good as he ever thought he was, he would never be nearly as good as Ovechkin. Perhaps he thought "I'm not really needed here, is anyone really needed here?" I'm going to spend most of my time in my STATS class tonite coming up with different thoughts that may have passed through Boyd's head while standing at the side of the Phoenix net.

Here's one more. "Would it really have been that bad if I touched the puck before it went in the net?"

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As a hockey fan I should just note that I heard from two radio sources (Team 1200 and CBC radio 1) about the Anaheim Mighty Ducks today. They played in Boston yesterday and don't play again until Thursday here in Ottawa. They've got some time, so they spent some this morning on the Rideau Canal playing hockey. I don't know why, and frankly don't want to know why, but hearing that a professional hockey team was playing some shinny with kids just makes my day.

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I'm adding Off Wing opinion to my links because Eric McErlain who writes there knows what he's talking about. Plus he's in Washington and I take back what I said about moving the Caps away from there. I would never wish that on a hockey fan, not even here in Ottawa.

I'm also going to the Leafs-Sens game this Saturday and am very excited about that. I'm going to be "one of those guys", loud, possibly intoxicated, and wearing a Leaf jersey.

Go Leafs Go.

go figure

Raptors hired Gene Keady on December 9, 2005. In just over a month since his hiring, the team has gone 8-8. I'd say that's a good thing. Team seems to be able to distributed the ball better on offence, but the defence is still slightly suspect. To wit, last night against the Bulls, Raptors started the game 7-7 from the field and still were only up by 5 points.

Things are looking up in Raptor land. The team sure does seem to be jelling. Anyways, here's something Gene Keady did 5 years ago on David Letterman.

Top Ten Purdue University Basketball Head Coach Gene Keady Tips For Looking Your Best

10. Shake head violently. If a single hair moves--keep spraying.

9. You can find some snazzy ties in the stadium lost and found.

8. Always comb with the grain, not against it.

7. Yelling at players makes your face purple -- that's sort of like having a tan.

6. Tight pants highlight the fact you're a member of the "Big Ten."

5. Don't be one of those guys with hair plugs -- I mean, who do they think they're fooling?

4. I live by one simple rule--try to look better than Dick Vitale.

3. On special occasions, I like to use a little eyeliner.

2. Never, under any circumstance, go to Letterman's barber.

1. Forget "six-pack" abs...just go for the six-pack.

[applause]

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Watched one hell of a hockey game tonite between the Leafs and the Canucks. Leafs dominated the Canucks in the third period, but still lost 4-3. Steen scored one hell of a goal on a backhand on a breakaway against Auld, and seemed to be playing with some passion, when he was holding onto his stick that is. Domi is paired with Sundin, who got a lot more icetime tonite then usual 22:37 (his average this year is 19:24). But he didn't lead the Leafs forwards, that goes to Mr. Steen who pulled off 23:17. Big man on the night for time was no suprise. No McCabe means 31:49 for Kaberle.

Notable offences on the evening go to the Vancouver fans where music was played and then instead of saying "charge" or "go Canucks" they were chanting "Leafs suck." Which seems to be the trend for the Leafs on the road. It seems that the 5000 or so Leafs fans on the road are louder then the 18000 they pack at home, in terms of cheering for the Leafs. I went to a Leafs-Habs game in November and at least the Montreal fans had the decency to try and drownout the "go Leafs go" chant with a "go Habs go" one. In some stadiums (like Vancouver) the home fans just drown the chant with boos.

Like Reggie Jackson once famously stated, "fans don't boo nobody's".

Encomium n : glowing and warmly enthusiastic praise; also : an expression of this

boo

Guess who comes back to town tonite?

(AFP/Getty Images/File)

Ex-Magic, ex-Raptor. The one man wrecking crew. He'll end up ruining something, whether it's his own team or the team he's playing against. Kids these days, who knows the value of team? Canada Junior team

So here's the deal. Toronto has to be near the top of booing crowds in the world. This is not a judgement on the people, strictly an observation. Heck, even I've gone to Raptor games and booed Stoudamire, Carter, and McGrady everytime they touched the ball. Rob Babcock has been spotted on TV wearing earplugs for home games. I've only been to one game this year (thanks to a good man named Ross) and, well, I was pretty drunk so I don't remember if anyone was booing Babcock. People do hold up signs though. Maybe he should wear horseblinders. To his credit, I saw him on TV during the last game, I mean ant-stomping, of the Magic without the plugs. Rob, people (like me) who disrespect you and some people who shout at you and call you things like "Raptor Killer" are in the same boat as you. We all want the team to do well, and when we're mad, we're not exactly yes-men. Stand up for yourself and keep the earplugs out, at least while the camera's are on you. I saw you on "Off-the-Record" with Michael Landsberg and you sat there and did well.

Back to the boo-birds in TO. We got Alomar pretty good after he left, and man oh man did the Toronto fans give it to Raffy Palmeiro last year. Booed so loud that earplugs weren't enough, he had to tape them on and stuff them with cotton as the game went on. If Rose and Jackson aren't in the Hall buddy, neither are you. Numbers can be overshadowed. Maybe you should advertise for your inclusion, on a spot that might never be filled (check raffy25(dot)com top banner).

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Back to Basketball, the Raptors are only 3.5 games behind the Magic and the Celtics for the last playoff spot in the east. A boy can dream can't he? Speaking of dreams, I dream't that the Sacramento Kings were either in, or won the NBA championship. Ummm....yeah, that's not going to happen.

Raptors play the Rockets tonite, Nets on Sunday, and Bulls on Monday, Bobcats on Wednesday. 4 games in 6 days. And then it begins. Between January 15th and 29th (two weeks) the Raptors play NINE (!) games. Including what is traditionally known as a scheduling "perk". Perk my ass. After hosting the Knicks on the 15th (which is 4 days after their previous HOME game against Bobcats) the Raptors go to Utah to play two nights later, Portland the following night, Seattle two days later, Lakers two days later, Denver the next night and then back to Toronto to host the Bulls two days later. Ugh. That's an 7 game stint in 10 days sandwiched by two home games and filled in with a little 5 games-in-a-week western road trip (!). Double ugh.

So yeah. Talk about testing your mettle. Good luck boys.

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Speaking of Western Road trips, the Leafs are on one too. Best divisions in hockey meet this year (Northwest and Northeast). You know what's frustrating? Growing up with a simple Norris, Smythe, Adams and crap, I forget the 4th one right now. Well, I still haven't gotten my head around the new NHL division allocations, alls I know is the best teams should, and do, play in the Northern divisions. Anyways, the worst team in the Northwest is the Wild, and a quick glance shows that they have as many points as the Habs who are 4th in the Northeast. It's been a few years (thanks to the lockout) that we've seen the Flames, Oil and Canucks and it will be the last for a few more years (barring Stanley Cup final matchups and preseason) so enjoy.

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Going for the Grand Slam of sports- blogging (all four major sports) in one post. NFL football playoffs.

Lets see, a Sunday a few weeks ago I was flipping by a high scoring game and I had no interest in stopping to watch. It was the Bucs-Skins. Lucky me, they play again on Saturday. I'll probably watch Hockey Day in Canada as the winner of this game won't get passed the second round.
Prediction: Habs 5 Sens 3 (they play at 2, it's hockey DAY).

Gawd damnit Cartman, you are such a fat ass. You went and scheduled the Leafs-Oilers on Hockey day in Canada at the same time as the ONLY playoff game I really want to watch. Jags-Pats. I like the Jags but have come to the conclusion to never, ever bet against the Patriots with Coach and Brady. Which means naturally that they'll find some way to tie.
Prediction: no flipping channels between 7-8 that night, and then massive channel flipping between 8-9:45, and slight channel flipping between 10-11:30 (Canucks-Flames). Leafs win, Pats win. Pats-Indy second round. It would be no other way.

Carolina-New York. This one time, I lost a chip, but didn't know it. A few days later I found it under the cushions when I was looking for my phone. It wasn't as crispy, but it still had its flavour. I am telling you this because I have no football dialogue to contribute to this game. I can't even start a sentence to analyze it.
Prediction: It might rain, that makes the field slippery and the Giants kicker missed a couple of clutch field goals against Seattle. My Carlos Delgado bobblehead doll agrees with me.

Pittsburgh-Cincinnati. Um, another toss up. Cincinnati can't stop the run, and Pittsburgh can run. Cincinnati can really throw the ball well.
Prediction: Might be the best game of the weekend and I will probably have no money left to bet on this one.

Have fun, bet a little, and yeah. Go Leafs/Raptors Go.

just who is watching?

Half way through the NHL season, and the race for Phil Kessel is on. From watching a few USA games at the world juniors, I haven't seen too much from the kid that solidifies number 1 draft pick status, but he is still filling out and should make a nice line partner with Rick Nash. It would be nice for him to go to Columbus.

So, lets see how the new NHL is doing. Today, we check on you, the fans. Some idiosyncrasies that have been found by checking the files. Attendence notes. I'll do them in the form of percentages because stadium capacities vary.

Home
Top 5
1. Calgary 112.4%
2. Ottawa 105.3%
3. Tampa Bay 104.6%
4. Toronto 103.1%
5. Minnesota 102.9%

Bottom 5
26. Carolina 77.5%
27. St. Louis 74.0%
28. New Jersey 72.5%
29. Chicago 71.6%
30. Washington 68.7%

Notes: Vancouver, Philadelphia, Detroit, Montreal and Colorado also have 100% capacity so far.

Road
Top 5
1. Vancouver 100.7%
2. Detroit 97.8%
3. Philadelphia 96.4%
3. Colorado 96.4%
5. Montreal 96.3%

Bottom 5
26. Nashville 86.7%
27. Columbus 86.5%
28. Washington 85.6%
29. Atlanta 85.1%
30. Tampa Bay 80.1%

Notes: Umm... yeah. So the defending Stanley Cup champions are the worst draw in hockey, by a fair margin? Maybe the NHL needs to keep running those 'My NHL' ads during hockey games, and only during games. In fact, I don't think I've seen a 'My NHL' ad that has not been either on a sports network or during the game. Perhaps I should to follow the NHL policy and officially promote my blog, on my blog. I'll use numbers to pad my stats like when people are reading my blog, 100% of them are reading my blog and 50% of them are my mom (Hello Amma, I'm still alive).

While I'm off on this, it's stupid like that whole thing about fans not leaving the stands during the shootouts. Well, duh. Getting them to not leave their seats should not be their problem, getting them into those seats should be. And when the defending champions are not enough to draw fans into the seats, well. Arg, my anger is akin to hunger anger. In fact, I probably do need to eat (Don't worry Amma, I'm eating well). Lets just move on

Overall
Top 5
1. Calgary 103.0%
2. Vancouver 100.9%
3. Detroit 99.0%
4. Philadelphia 98.7%
5. Ottawa 98.2%
5. Colorado 98.2%

Bottom 5
26. Atlanta 83.6%
27. New Jersey 82.5%
28. Chicago 81.4%
29. St. Louis 80.8%
30. Washington 76.9%

Notes: Washington might have the most exciting player this year on their team and very few people go to see him. I saw him do an interview on TSN last night between periods and he's not so eloquent with his english (perhaps slighty more so than myself) and yet looking at him I can't help but feel that he needs to be traded to a new city. In fact, they should trade the Manitoba Moose for the Washington Capitals.

Overall Notes: If I were to ask you which teams get a better draw on the road than at home you'd probably guess quite easily. Washington qualifies because no-one goes, but there are 12 (!) others who also draw better (percentage wise) on the road than they do at home. Almost half the league is a better draw on the road, which goes to show that those who watch, watch a lot. My NHL, best ad campaign ever.

Anyways, the answer(s) would be Boston, Phoenix, Buffalo, New Jersey, Carolina, Anaheim, NY Islanders, Chicago, St. Louis, Florida, Nashville, Washington, Atlanta all draw better on the road than they do at home.

Millen Man March

Well news out of Detroit is mutinous. It's crazy. First, the fans have the Millen Man March prepared for the tailgate party before tomorrows game against the Bengals. No doubt it's a protest. Secondly, and this is completely crazy, another protest has people being asked to show up in Bengal orange and black and to cheer for the Bengals.

I can't believe they might do that. Detroit people, follow hockey. You've got Zetterberg, Datsyuk. Hell, the Pistons are kicking serious ass this year too. What are they, 17-3 now? Leave the Lions alone.
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As a Leafs fan, I have no idea what to expect in tonites game against the Sens. I'm going to sit in my apartment wearing my jersey and clinching my teeth while yelling at the tv. Unbiasedly, I predict a 5-4 win for the Leafs. Seriously.

you say tomato, i say potato

Watching the French language leaders debate on CBC Newsworld, I find myself incredibly bored. Harper, Martin, Layton and Duceppe are answering public questions and bashing each other at the same time. For some reason it reminds me of a show I flipped by last night. I think it was called America's Next Top Model, or something, and it had a reunion show on the set of Tyra Bank's daily talk show. Anyways, it was a show with all the contestants and they reminisced and blah blah blah. I was watching because it was filled with models, not because they might have something to say.

Anyways before I got to the mute button, I learned some things. For example, Tyra Banks has no idea how to conduct an interview, from what I saw. Every question she had for someone else was a 5 second answer for them, and a lead in for a two-minute story by her. She's really egotistical. I couldn't believe it.

Tyra: So, how do you feel about stealing Nikki's line?
Generic Model: I didn't even know I was stealing her line.
Tyra: I know exactly what you're talking about. This one time, on the set of this music video I saw the choreographer do this move for another girl and then when it became my time I just stole it. Because it was, and will always be all about me.
Me: can't find mute button.....aaaahhhhh the pain, the pain, make it stop.
Tyra: Wooo, yeah.
Me: I think she just randomly 'woo-ed' and 'yeah-ed'. I really have to stop talking to myself out loud.

I used to think she was hot, and now can only stand her if I have a mute button nearby.

Back to the debate, it's all about what the leaders have done. Best question of the night asked so far was from a lady who basically asked if they (the leaders) swear to keep their campaign promises.

Oh, snap! Layton just went over the 15-second limit and didn't stop to complete his Martin bash.

Anyways, none of them answered the question initially, as if they weren't programmed to tell a lie about telling the truth. All their synapse simply stopped working. All your base are belong to us.

And the best line of the night belongs to the CBC.CA live blogger.

8:38 p.m. EST
Who provided the uniforms for these guys? Was there some kind of ruling issued that said they all had to wear the exact same outfits - dark suits and light blue shirts?

So true. Whoever the live blogger is, they kick ass. Not just for that remark, but for the general informed tone of their posts. Well done good blog people.

Why am I watching this debate throughout? Because I want to watch something while I eat my cake and drink my milk.

Anyways, it is going to snow like heck here tonite.

nuit blanche : white night : a sleepless night

the clock is dead, long live the clock

20 years. I've had my alarm clock for over 20 years. Last week it decided to tell time in an accelerated fashion. Meaning that, when it was supposed to be 8:00 am, it was actually 11:00 pm, and 9:00am was 11:15 pm. I had it for so long, the radio failed to work, and the buzzer sounded more annoying then the one at Philips Arena.

*Digression- Even the commentators on Turner Sports hate that buzzer that goes off when the Thrashers score a goal. It's so freaking annoying, it's not funny. Although, if I was in charge of that horn I'd probably do the exact same thing. As a Leafs fan, haven't heard it much, but if you caught the Red Wings-Thrashers game last night, you know exactly what I'm talking about. It's just about the most obnoxious horn in the history of horns.*

So my clocky died. I went out and got another one. My life has changed because of it. Lo and behold it not only had sleep and snooze buttons, but it also had a nap button! A freaking nap button! So I went home and tried out the nap button. It's great, if I want to take a nap, I hit the nap button, and set it anywhere from 10 minutes to 2 hours (default is 20 minutes). Plus it has a 2-alarm setting (one could be the radio and the other could be a buzzer). So if ever I needed to set two separate waking times, I could do it without screwing up. It's gonna be my new pick up line for chicks. "Hey baby, check it out, I got two alarms. Yeah, that's right. I can wake up, and you don't have to until your alarm goes off." I'm gonna have to start beating the women away with a stick. Ahh delusion. Good times.

Nap button. I don't know how I napped without one.

I've also decided to retire the numbers 19, 99, and 93. Yzerman, Gretzky, Gilmour. 13 is well on its way to being retired. Mats Sundin he will go down as the greatest Leaf captain ever. I welcome your arguments.

Habanera n : a Cuban dance in slow duple time

he lays in the reins

So, a week or so ago, Doug Wilson (GM of the San Jose Sharks) was walking down the street. A carefree soul, even though his hockey team was under performing. He knew that they have the talent to succeed. It just takes some time for them to mesh in the new Gary Bettman Hockey League. As he walks, he's whistling the tune of 'the man comes around' by Johnny Cash. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he sees this in a window.


[picture courtesy of Heather Creegan at soveryobsessed(dot)com]

He thinks to himself, "I could use a Thornton. I already got one, and he's working out pretty well, I sure could use another one. It won't hurt to go inside and see if I can get me one more of those Thorntons."

So he walks in. The guy at the cash register looks kinda frazzled, like he hasn't slept in a week. Doug says hello and asks about the sign in the window. The guy behind the cash yelps, and runs into the corner. Doug caught a glimpse of the cashier's nametag, it said 'Sullivan'.

A door opens. A man walks out. He calls himself 'Mike'. Doug asks about the cashier, and Mike responds,

"Oh don't worry about him, he's just a little frazzled. It's been a trying time for all of us here at the store. Business is slow. Winter is coming, and we're out of eggnog. Want a Thornton?"

"Sure," Doug responds, "how much?"

"Oh, not much. A first line winger, a solid defenseman. Prefer those two to be Canadian. A first round draft pick because this Thornton was a first overall pick. And another scoring winger. But we need a German winger. Not too many people have German wingers that can score. In return for those three, you get a franchise player, a six-foot bruising playmaker. We've already developed him, so he's just entering his prime."

"I see." Doug starts searching his pockets, trying to play it cool. It sounds like a good deal. Mike incorrectly interprets Doug's movements as a sign that he might be searching for his car keys. Just last week Mike did almost the exact same thing to exit when in conversation with his friend Wayne. Mike reached into his pockets and set off his car alarm and then excused himself. Mike quickly adds.

"Look, either we get rid of this Thornton or one of Sullivan or myself has to go. It's our best product, and the commission we make off of this transaction will feed us come the holiday season. So here's what I'm going to do. Even though this is already half-price of what Thornton merchandise is worth, I'm going to get rid of the first round draft pick demand. And, remember that first line Canadian? Well, he doesn't have to be a first line one, but he has to have an older brother in the league."

Doug is having a hard time containing his excitement. He has a Canadian defenseman to spare, he's got a German scoring winger (the rarest of the German wingers) and he has a winger with a brother in the league. And even though that winger took a puck to the face and instead of skating off stayed on and shot the puck that hit him from the blueline into the back of the net, Doug feels as though he can spare him for a Thornton. A Thornton doesn't come along everyday. To actual have someone who has a Thornton, a developed, over point-a-game pace Thornton, to have someone willing to sell one, and then at half price. Well, Doug had found the cell phone in his pocket that he was searching for and already text messaged "OMG-even strength problem solved" to his buddy Ron. Doug had a freaky skill of being able to compose text messages on his cell phone without looking at the keys.

Doug reached into his pocket, pulled out the Stuart, Primeau and Sturm that fit Mike's demand. Threw them on the counter, took his Thornton and left.

And that, my friends, is how Joe Thornton became a San Jose Shark.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ladies and Gentlemen, the new captain of your Columbus Blue Jackets. Adam Foote.

I wonder who is going to captain the Bruins now? Thornton (Joe) in San Jose is going to put up some bigger numbers without having to worry about captaincy. Their current captain, Patrick Marleau, has 12 (!) points in the 4 games since Thornton has joined the team.


Bedlamite noun Madman, Lunatic.

the insults felt so nice, i had to write about them twice

Check it out; wouldn't these numbers look good on a player for the Raptors?

MPG FGM-A FG% FTM-A OFF DEF TOT APG SPG BPG PPG 36.8 35-63 .556 50-61 4.2 8.4 12.6 0.6 2.40 1.60 24

Granted, those are only 5 games worth, but Pape Sow is doing a good job in the NBA developmental league.

As for the big boys, they put on quite the offensive display last night in Washington. I think the score was 61-59 for the Raptors at the half. They stood a chance, having the lead and all, but there was no defence for Gilbert Arenas. That man just kills the Raptors. Well, he kills a lot of teams these days but it sure does feel like he twists that dagger a little deeper when playing the Raptors.

But there is hope for the Raptor fans. Dare I call them the best 3-16 team ever? I think I can, because the word 'best' probably hasn't been used to describe a 3-16 team. But they've lost a few games due to bad calls by the refs, inexperienced plays by some rookies, and, well, just not scoring as much as the other guys. My nomination for Captain of the Raptors is Morris Peterson. From day one this season he's been the guy with the most positive attitude on the team. Bosh is the talent, Charles V is the future, Calderon is the crazy European, Arajuo is the screaming banshee, Joey "please don't call me golden" Graham is the flair, and Mo Pete is the heart. Where Jalen Rose fits into this, and more importantly Sam Mitchell's plan, is yet to be determined. Most likely he will be playing the role of "good player who can't d-up and for some reason is singled out for that even though the whole team can't." His abysmal shooting doesn't help the cause this year, although his durability is top-notch. What's that? It appears I've forgotten somebody?

I'm Mike James, bitch.

And him. So Mo Pete hits a crazy three at the end of the 4th to tie it, after missing a three and grabbing his own rebound. It was a good shot. But then they lost. All was for naught. Raptors have only had 4 games out of the 19 where they've had a better FG% than the opponents. They're 2-2 in those games (it was the only stat I could find that didn't make the team appear horrible). All I want for Christmas is some defence.

Insert segue here.

GM's and Presidents everywhere are under fire. Well, J.P. and JFJ aren't. J.P. added B.J. and A.J. and might be looking into getting C.J. from the Pirates. Mr. Babcock...has lots of family, or so it may seem.

But in Detroit, where they fired the coach, a fan held up a makeshift sign this past weekend.


In reference to Lions President Matt Millen. The fan was chased around the building and tackled by security. A few days later another Fire Millen signed showed up at a Detroit Red Wings hockey game. Ah, good times.

What are the odds that Millen takes another receiver with his first round pick this year? They could have drafted Shawne Merriman this year (who San Diego got from the New York Football Giants and Eli trade) instead of Mike Williams, and Jonathan Vilma the year before instead of Roy Williams (although Roy is a stud), and a whole bunch of guys in 2003 instead of the guy they're trying to get some money back from (Charles Rogers). Although you have to admire Mr. Rogers' attitude about the whole situation, he appears as though he just wants to play football. Rogers told the Free Press: Because this is football, man. This is the game you love, man. We was playing this game for free when we was born. It ain't all about the bread, you know?

Check out the list of names they could have taken instead of Joey Joe Joe Harrington in 2002. (Keep in mind they had Mike McMahon as a backup at this point, a guy who Millen drafted in 2001 and who would end up being 50-50 to start against Harrington until he left for Philadelphia this year. And if they waited a year with McMahon at the helm, a guy like Byron Leftwich was available for the taking. Hindsight is always 20-20, but just for shits and giggles.)

• Quinten Jammer CB-Chargers
  
• Roy Williams FS-Cowboys
  
• John Henderson DT-Jaguars
• Dwight Freeney DE-Colts
• Ed Reed SS-Ravens

Notice a trend? I like d-guys in the first round.

But I'm being harsh on Millen here. To his credit, he does appear to have a plan. The last first round pick that was used to draft a defensive player was in 1999, when they took Chris Claiborne. Millen started in 2001 and stocked up on the offensive line and then took skill players. For some reason filling the O-line with youth didn't add up, or hasn't so far. His drafts have consistently produced starters, and the Lions are still a young team. In fact, the only seriously questionable thing that Millen has done is fire Mariucci this year.

Dre' Bly blamed Harrington for Mooch's firing. Millen seems to have blamed Mooch for Detroit's poor record. Detroit fans blamed Millen for the poor performance. The fact of the matter is that football games are a delicate balance. Any given Sunday any team can win, right? Just that the Lions have been unlucky more than lucky so far this year. One thing the fans can count on is the Super bowl coming to town. A game, in my estimation, that will feature the Chargers and the Panthers.

The Colts will not make it because they do not exist in my football universe. They are a team from the future playing exhibition games with NFL teams this year. They do not qualify for the Super bowl.

Circadian : being, having, characterized by, or occurring in approximately 24-hour periods or cycles (as of biological activity or function).

and now for something completely different

I do not like Junk Mail and Spam
I do not like them
Sam, I am

I do not like them here or there
I do not like them anywhere
I do not like them in my mail
I read not, delete lot, they all fail

I will not read them on the train
I will not read them for a dame
I wipe them from my inbox
I do not need to swell my cock

I do not read them in a house
I would not, could not, click with mouse
I do not like Junk Mail and Spam
I do not like them
Sam, I am

Junk Mail and Spam
Junk Mail and Spam
I do not like Junk Mail and Spam
Sam, I am

ta-daa

the newest B.J.

Damn skippy. After the computer drafted my team and gave me B.J. Ryan in MVP 2005 as my closer I turned to my friend and said that the Jays should pick this guy up. He responded with "really?"

The next day the New York Daily News reported that the Jays had signed him to a big contract. I thought, "wow, I'm smart" but then realized that the story could be a ploy to get the Mets to sign Wagner, or at least drive up Wagner's price.

I now don't care. I'd don't know if I'd rather have Ryan over Burnett, because it looks like this signing will prevent the Jays from getting Burnett. And although Burnett has a live arm, the scarcity of good free agents might just drive up the price of the few that are good.

But this allows Batista to get out of the pen, and possibly moved for a bat, which would be ideal. The Jays need a bat, Koskie wasn't up to the task last year, Hillenbrand was great, but the power loss of Delgado was felt. One more bat. I'm going to silently wish for one more bat.

In fact, I've just looked at the Jay lineup, I seriously don't think that they're going to sign Burnett if they have already signed Ryan. Halladay, Lilly, Chacin, Towers, and Bush/Downs could round out the rotation. Course, if I'm wrong, I'd love to be wrong. In fact, if they do sign Burnett, there is a Latin phrase that would apply to me,

non omnis moriar : I shall not wholly die

blind partisanship

I noticed something kinda off about Alex Ovechkin during some of his shootouts. This is the best picture I could find of him during one, and it's pretty tough to see it here, but; Ovechkin goes down the ice with his tongue hanging out. Look for it if you can catch Washington in a shootout, he's usually the first shooter. He goes down the ice with his tongue is a wagging. Sorta like another an ex-Washington basketball star.

Speaking of basketball, the Raptors suck this year. Suck suck suck. Don't take it personal fans, and don't take it out on me, I'm just the messenger. Don't worry though, this Friday (December 2) should be a good battle of ineptitude between the Hawks and the Raptors.

Leafs had a big win last night. Now some people might assume that because I said the Raptors suck, and then started the next paragraph about the Leafs, and since they're both under the MLSE umbrella, that because the Raptors suck the Leafs are doing well. That is just plain wrong, and quite frankly, an incorrect assumption. Leafs are quietly doing their thing yo. Wellwood looks good with SundSteen, Allison between the towers seems to fly, because they're all three moving at about the same mach speed on the ice. If O'Niell and Lindros can get some chemistry between them, that's three capable scoring lines. Chad Kilger has scored 2 goals in two games. What is up?

28 shooter is what is up. Last night, like any social butterfly, I sat down with a friend, some beer, and watched hockey and basketball until I couldn't take it anymore. Pretty much the only thind distinguishing a Saturday night from any other night is the beer. Anyway's last night, Dave Maloney, the play-by-play man for the Rangers put together the best speech humanly possible for the Malik goal. And I quote Maloney as Malik picks up the puck and skates down;

Malik has not scored this year. In on Kolzig, fakes it, aaaaahhhhhhhh, aaaaahhhhhhhh. Oh Malik went between his legs, and the Rangers win it in a shootout.

After the game, Malik said that he saw the move done in the Czech Republic last year and had tried it in practices. He probably didn't do well in practices as Renney selected him to shoot in the 15th round. As Jagr said, "you have to have guts to do that move. In front of 20,000 people watching you, it's not that easy to do." (AP)

A side note, Jason Strudwick was named alternate captain in light of Rucchin sitting out his second straight game. Captaincy is a big deal in the NHL, Luke Richardson resigned his captainship of the Blue Jackets before last nights game against the Blues. Richardson said that it's not about playing time, but rather that he just felt that he didn't deserve the position of Captain. I feel that Nash is too young right now, not to mention injured, to take over the captaincy (see Tampa Bay and Lecavalier). I don't think it will go to Vyborny, but it probably will go to Foote. Although I wouldn't be surprised if they pulled a Ranger and rolled with three alternates.

Tutelary adj 1 : having the guardianship of a person or a thing tutelary goddess>
2 : of or relating to a guardian

Where the sun?

It sure did get right into mid-winter temperatures round up here in Ottawa, eh?
-15 with the windchill? Check.
Drivers still thinking it's a dry summer day when really there's snow and ice on the road? Check.
New York Rangers leading the Eastern Conference? Check.

And there you have it. Sure, Ottawa might have 6 (yes SIX) games in hand on them, but lets give credit to where the schedule is weird, Ottawa has played the least amount of games in the NHL as of this day. Although it's not all due to the wonky Olympic season schedule, Ottawa's game versus the Florida Panthers was postponed on October 22nd.

But back to those hard skating Rangers. Tom Renney has them doing something right, I remember watching them play against the Leafs and thinking that they were skating hard. In another game against the Penguins, the Pittsburgh colour commentator remarked on how hard the Ranger team skates. They're young, they're fresh. And they have no captain. Rucchin, Jagr, and Kasparaitis all wear the 'A'. I wonder how other many teams are captainless this year, if there are any? Anyways, Jagr said some interesting things after last nights 6-3 over the Atlanta Thrashers.

"I don't know how to explain this exactly, but when you play against Atlanta, it's not very hard hockey," Jagr said. "It's a lot of skating. You've got to be very careful not to miss your chances, or they'll go the other way. They've got such talented scorers, they can make you pay." (AP)

Which is a backhanded compliment I guess. But this must be the Dr. Jekyll version of Atlanta, there have been games this year where all they do is skate into people. Mr. Hyde version of Atlanta must be the team that played against the Leafs earlier this year in October.

Back to the Rangers, it seems as though they do have a sense of perspective. Said Jagr: "The confidence is here for a reason: because we don't play bad hockey. We can beat, I'm not saying anybody, but it's close. We haven't faced Ottawa, but we've played some pretty good teams."

Ebullient 1 : boiling, agitated
2 : characterized by ebullience

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
About Ted Saskin's Majority Approval. Here's some math in regards to the secret ballot results of September 12, 2005. PricewaterhouseCoopers states 85% approval with majority of 37 votes in.
20 is a majority of 37.
85% of 20 is 17.
17 in favour, if every other vote is against it, 20 against.
Which means that it is conceivable that he gets the boot. Just saying things can be spun in different ways. December 16th is the deadline for receiving votes.
As you were.

Welcome to the Joey Joe Joe Show

This sign was enough to get a couple of guys kicked out of the Raptor game last week. They weren't being obnoxious, distracting, or any sort of a problem. They simply put up this sign during stoppages in play. Security that kicked them out said that the section was complaining; yet no one in their section appeared to be. In fact, as they were being escorted out of the building, everyone was booing security.

In this case security exhibited a classic case of this is our answer, it's a blatant lie, but there's nothing you can do about it. Must be nice to be able to abuse power.

Speaking of stupid, here's something I've found out. I had my issues with the Vince Carter trade of last year, and I mentioned something that REALLY pissed me off about the trade, but could never find concrete evidence to prove me right.

Thanks to www.hoopshype.com I can see that the Raptors sit 12th out of 30 teams in terms of payroll. The sad sack Knicks have twice as much payroll it seems. Some real ugly contracts there. It seems that they're on the hook for Alan Houston's contract at about $20 million. Ugh.

Here's what I found out that irks me. The Raptors are paying Alonzo Mourning $4 million dollars over the next two years. He's only costing Miami 1 million and change. The third biggest contract on the Raptors this year is Lamond Murray. He's getting over $5 million from the Raptors and just over $1 million from the Nets, who he plays for.

Alonzo Mourning never played for the Raptors. Murray left the organization this past off-season and called the franchise incompetent in an article with a major New York newspaper.

Rob Babcock. Noticed you abandoned your blog on the Raptors website. You might as well put up your resume there instead. I'll admit that the draft picks this past season are turning out better than expected (considering people expected them to be worthless, it wouldn't take much for them to be better) but you're showing no sense of a plan for this team. At least Isiah Thomas has the excuse of being crazy; I don't think you're crazy. I think you're a rational man who just happens to be absolutely foolish as a general manager. I think Ed Stafanksi (GM of the Nets) summed it up best last year after the deal that sent Vince Carter to the Nets.

You never know if a team is going to say 'no' unless you ask them.

Nonplus : to cause to be at a loss as to what to say, think, or do

As a side, there's a link at the bottom of the front page of the Toronto Raptor website to the NBA Fan Code of Conduct. The Raptors and Miami are the only two teams to have that link. To put it in perspective, the Detroit Pistons (home of the famous brawl between fans and Pacers) don't have a link.

Joey Graham's new nickname should be the Joey Joe Joe show.

rock and a hard place

Ok, here's the deal. I don't want to be one of those guys who are just a critic. I especially try to avoid criticism of the pundits in the mainstream media because usually they have an agenda of sorts.

A little history. I'm from Toronto, so Leafs fan in enemy territory here. Toronto pundits (the Strachans, Simmons, Coxs) are almost all, to a man, serious critics of the Leafs. Enough history.

On to the present. The Ottawa journalists (at least the sports ones) are collectively, to a man, pure cheerleaders for the Senators. Which is great, seeing as the team is doing well and all in this new NHL. They even had a recent article where their coach, Bryan Murray, criticized Steve Yzerman's comments. Murray, speaking lightly I can only hope, called Yzerman senile.

Now Murray and Yzerman know each other well I hope, for Yzerman captained the Murray led Red Wings for a few years. Yzerman is the Captain. And the Sens are doing well, and the Red Wings are too, but I take serious consideration to the man on the team that is doing well and still has legitimate concerns to the coach who is doing well and is being fed softballs by the journalists.

So here I am, stuck in a town of a rival team where everybody is just gaga in love with each other, and having a favourite team where people can find something wrong with the way Sundin ties his skates. Which is worse? Never good to choose between extremes, I choose balance.

Lindros captured the situation best on Saturday night, after a 5-1 beating of the Thrashers. After the game he was talking to Ron MacLean and was told about Steve Larmer's resignation from the NHLPA. I believe Lindros' said, in a despondent voice,

Geez, Saturday night in Toronto we win 5-1 and we get this.

Inferring that it's rarely easy for Leaf players in speaking with the press. I don't want rah-rah cheerleading, just maybe some non-agenda reporting of the game once in a while.

Anyways, what spurred this post was a CBC show about the secret Mulroney tapes. He called the Ottawa press gallery, after he was elected, indolent.

I feel that applies currently to the sports guys. Way to go guys, keep up the Ottawa tradition.

Indolent adj 1 a : causing little or no pain b : slow to develop or heal 2 a : averse to activity, effort, or movement : habitually lazy b : conducing to or encouraging laziness c : exhibiting indolence

process of elimination

This is Mike Hasenfratz. He is dancing. Nothing personal Mike, but you've just been caught in a coincidence.

Apparently Steve Yzerman reads my blog, or great minds think alike. Because Stevie Y is a great mind. Flattery aside, Mr. Yzerman came out and lambasted the new NHL, and more specifically, the penalty calling. Sound familiar?

So what? Anyone who watches hockey will notice the increase in penalties. Neither Stevie nor myself are saying anything of note. But wait.

Stevie speaks out after a Thursday (17 November) night’s loss against the Oilers. Up 3-1 in the third period, the Red Wings decided to allow 4 straight goals to the Oil, managed to tie it at 5 with two late goals of their own, and then lost it 6-5 in overtime.

Wonderful recap Hoss, not to mention a few days old. But wait, here's what Yzerman said after the game.

"I'll just use Mathieu Schneider's penalty as an example. He steps up and takes his guy out, and his stick gets caught and the crowd cheers so the referee puts his hand up. There has to be some discretion. The referees have to use some judgment on what is a penalty and what is not. They've taken judgment out of it and I think it's somewhat made it easy on the referees just to call anything, because there is no judgment.

"Good referees used to have good judgment. Now they've taken that out of the game. I'm not saying I'm blaming the referees for it, I just feel the whole thing has to be adjusted and they have to look at this seriously. They can't continue to call irrelevant things that have no business being called."

Wonderful, most major websites with hockey focus will have a link to an article with those quotes. I got it from TSN. I also got the box score from TSN. Just checked the referees, you know, for shits and giggles. Anyway, they were, Stephane Auger and Mike Hasenfratz.

Hasenfratz. I've officially got my eye on you and not in a sexual, hey-baby-come’ ere -a-minute type eye on you. You're on the radar for bad officiating. Stevie Y and me say so.

Catechize 1 : to instruct systematically especially by questions, answers, and explanations and corrections; specifically : to give religious instruction in such a manner
2 : to question systematically or searchingly

are zebra's blind?

Because with all these new rules in the new NHL, some of these younger refs do appear to be. They are making some really horrid calls. For example, Wednesday night in Florida, the Rangers were playing the Panthers and down by a goal late in the third period. They got the puck behind the Florida net, and then threw it across the crease. The Panther player Serge Payer, made a great defensive play to block, tie up the Ranger player from shooting the puck. I see a referee’s hand go up, and they called Payer for holding the stick. Payer had both of his hands on his own stick. He was tying up the Ranger player's stick as the pass comes across. And they call him for holding. Just bullshit. These are the names of the two guys who were calling that game, Mike Hasenfratz and Shane Heyer. Don't be surprised if you
a) Don’t see these guys ever, especially not refereeing a playoff game
b) See these guys at the centre of some controversy.

Anyways, it's not completely their fault. The two-ref system has increased the amount of younger refs. But man, they're making some big calls. I just heard Joe Bowen comment on a referee going into the Carolina Hurricane dressing room after a game against the Leafs on November 3rd, to apologize to the 'Canes and specifically Eric Cole, for calling a diving penalty on Eric Cole while he was on a breakaway late in the game. A breakaway that could have gotten him the hat trick. Anyways, the Cane's won that game against the Leafs, so it's not really a big deal. Imagine if they called that and the 'Canes were losing? For those of you who like coincidences, so far into tonight’s game and including his last game against Buffalo, Eric Cole has had 3 penalty shots handed to him. Karma? I think not. Sounds more like hush money to me.

Evince vb 1 : to constitute outward evidence of 2 : to display clearly: Reveal

And here's a random quote that I found in my notebook today.

'Patty Keane was stupid on purpose, which was the case for most women in Midland City. The women all had big minds because they were big animals, but they did not use them much for this reason: unusual ideas could make enemies, and women, if they were going to achieve any sort of comfort and safety, needed all the friends they could get.
So in the interests of survival, they trained themselves to be agreeing machines instead of thinking machines. All their minds had to do was to discover what other people were thinking and then they thought that too.' - Kurt Vonnegut, Breakfast of Champions

can't sleep, clown'll eat me

It started when a friend of mine and I decided to draft a fantasy team and simulate a season in NHL 06 instead of writing a story for a short story contest.

Well, it probably started before that. But lets just say that this week it started when video games took precedence over literary creativity.

It ended at about 5 am last night. As I was waiting for a friend from class to message me with some of his answers for an assignment I had due today, I decided to simulate a NBA season by drafting an NBA team. After all, it was opening night in the NBA last night.

It hit me as I was leaving my 8:30 am class today. A class that I tried to sleep through most of, although I did hand said assignment in.

What is it? Is it that I have a greater tendency to talk out loud to myself when sleep deprived? Well, yes that is true. It seems that my inner monologue/dialogue tends to overflow the levees of social norms to a greater extent when the tides of sleep don't get a chance to settle. At one point a person stood up, looked around frantically and queried, or more accurately exclaimed "Who are you talking to!?" That person was in my head. He also made me laugh, and it seems upon reflection, at myself.

No, that's not it. What it is, is this: if television is a drug, it's probably marijuana. The gateway drug. If television is a Mary Jane, then Xbox (or video games) are hard drugs like cocaine or heroin. You can just keep going and going. Lets examine some of the common attributes between the hard drugs and video games. For this purpose, I will use Xbox and cocaine as the drugs of choice.

Xbox
Pupils dilate with light from television.
Can use for excessive hours without noticing the affects of fatigue.
Prone to talking to oneself, muttering and constantly talking, if to no one else than to the TV.
Alertness when you first start slowly fades until action picks up again.
After prolonged use, posture weakens, destroying the lower back.
After spending many days at home playing games, friends and family begin to get concerned and try to intervene. You shout back at them “leave me alone!” Which, of course, is exactly the opposite of what they do next. A few weeks later you find yourself in a remarkably soothing setting, sitting under a tree, talking to an attendant named Juan who is under strict orders to monitor you. You know why he’s there, but you still enjoy the human company. You find yourself smoking and wondering what happened those last few years. You don’t even know why you played vids so much, it’s not like you have any memories from the game playing. You’re home for one year before you decide you don’t even miss the vids and you get back your Xbox from your mother. Two weeks later you’re sitting under a tree talking to Juan again.

Cocaine
Pupils dilate.
Can use for excessive hours without noticing the affects of fatigue.
Prone to talking to oneself, muttering and constantly talking, if to no one else than to the TV or any inanimate object, real or perceived.
Alertness when you first start slowly fades until you line up again.
After prolonged use, posture weakens, destroying the lower back.
Rehab. Relapse. Repeat.

A very scientific comparison. Consequences of combining hard drugs and video games is probably at least two days without sleep and three days before you realize you haven't had any food either. Not that I would know.

quiescent adj 1 : marked by inactivity or repose : tranquilly at rest 2 : causing no trouble or symptoms.

what playoffs do to me...

my life, I need to sleep, it's almost midnight.... baseball game is now tied.... can't sleep until game ends.... hope it doesn't go late.... top of ninth.... announcer just used word 'supposibly', wish I was kidding.... am hungry and went to the fridge and for some reason my crackers are in my fridge....

abeyance n : a condition of suspended activity.

My life is held in abeyance until the game ends. Chicks are impressed with my use of 'abeyance' until the full meaning of that last sentence hits them.

First stand up comic to use definitions to self-deprecate? I think that coulds be mes. Supposibly I'm funny at times.

bottom of ninth innning.... go Astros.... i looove chocolate, but its soo bad for me, but i looooove it.... that last quote was from family guy.... I'm seeing how long I can go without my beard itching me.... Go Leafs Go.... rambling now, as if you didn't notice.... endless stream of consciousness until the game ends.... this is how baseball announcers should call the game.... why won't someone score.... just one run.... and the pitcher throws to first.... argh.... when will Linus meet the Great Pumpkin?... pickoff throw misses, winning run on second with one out... runner steals third base.... wow.... what a play.... fly ball does it..... do they dare squeeze?... how do they get the caramel inside the caramilk bar?.... walk, great, that sets up a double play.... but it's Taveras, he's so fast.... 0-2 pitch coming, i sense a ball in the dirt.... wrong, pitch was high... wish i was high... wish i was asleep... now 2-2 count... swing and a miss.... and here comes the man Lance Berkman... and they walk him.... it's all up to Morgan, go Morgan.... i might just fall asleep at the keyboard.... probably would have funny dreams....by the way, watch Donnie Darko if you haven't already, it's set around halloween, it's about that time now.... game is going extra innings... nvcvrhybhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... that was the sound of my forhead hitting the keyboard.... i can't do this anymore.... someone win already.... go Astros...

back of the bus

Here's what I think I would look like if I was a South Park character. I have on my favourite green sweater (that I wear about 70% of the time between November and March) and some grey Value-Village pants. I think I'd walk around getting agitated easily, and an endless source of Cartman racist jokes that would just raise my ire. I would also smoke to try and make my voice raspy, but not quite so much so as that my voice would disappear. This character would have depth, and would be at the endless butt of many jokes for the other lads. When alone in his room, he would play with his Playmobil and pretend he was a superhero.

So a new thing that's started is that when I log on to my hotmail account, it says that some user has added me to their list. At first I thought, 'cool, could be a hot chick.' A few seconds later, after I calmed down, I got a message from this new person. Of course, they don't speak english. They do speak crappy french, or maybe I have crappy ears. So this fragmented conversation takes place where all that happens is that I don't get my Stats assignment done.

Anyways, now I don't accept these new people adding me to their list. I don't know why they do it, and I don't know why I talk to them.

semaphore n 1: a visual signaling apparatus with movable arms 2 : signaling by hand-held flags.

blind mans bluff

The new NHL 06 game for xbox has a little thing in it. They have rendered faces from players and coaches, and those players and coaches seem to say things at certain times. For example, when a penalty is called, sometimes you can see the player mouth the word 'bullshit' as he heads to the penalty box.
There are others, some say things more expilict then that. Safe to say, if you don't know the swear words, you're not learning anything new. So for kids, they aren't really exposed to anything.

jackanapes n 1 : monkey, ape 2 : an impudent or conceited person

Days are getting longer hours are getting shorter. I have this new theory, I'm not a good late fall, early winter person.

I was also wrong about the White Sox. I apologize to them but it seems as though they're doing a good job of taking care of business.

I also hate Philadelphia. Not much against the people, but in particular order the;

1) Flyers
2) Eagles and Andy Reid
3) Phillies (Mitch Williams bitches)
4) 76ers

Can all go desecrate themselves. We will never get along. It’s not me, it’s you.

Check it out, tv writing:

‘They’ve gotten to you haven’t they.’

Who? What? Was that a question? If you mean you and your crappy, crappy dialogue, then the answer is yes.

harvest moon

Sure it might have been last month, but for 5 minutes last night I caught it as it rose. Huge full moon. Just so the farmers have more daylight so they can harvest their crops until later in the evening. I'd like to thank the female race for inventing agriculture and giving those males who didn't want to kill something to bring home to eat.

Reason #2431 I don't get females:

The morbid fascination they seem to carry about death. Not all, but it seems to be a trend with girls I have just met. Maybe it's me (I don't know how it could be but I guess I have to say it). But the facts are, I meet females, and conversations go towards death. Who knows why? Maybe I have bad breath, I dunno. Here are two examples;

1) Driving girl home from a bar. She talks about how she's getting these crazy headaches, and is convinced they're from cell phones, and she's got a tumor and she's going to die at any moment. Cool. I have nothing to add to that conversation, except that we're all going to die at some point. So I keep my mouth shut and keep driving. Wonder what's on the radio.

2) Girl at bar asks me to dance. I say 'yes' and in talking with her I ask her how she busies her time. She says she's a journalist. Goes on to talk about how half the people in this bar are going to die, and viruses will kill a lot of people. Cool. I have nothing to add to that conversation except that we're all going to die at some point. So I keep my mouth shut and keep dancing.

Now, it's been established that I may not be the most Don Juan, or even Don Pedro. But I'm pretty sure these are not acts of flirting. The universe can be a confusing place at times. I'm going to go eat now, because being confused and hungry is a bad combination.

inimical adj 1 : being adverse often by reason of hostility 2 : hostile, unfriendly.

I have registered to play in the
Online Poker Blogger Championship!

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Registration code: 6702462

where has all the water gone?

Walking to school today I noticed something. First sign of winter. They've drained the Rideau Canal. They do that so it can freeze and people can skate/walk/jog on it. So there you have it, I just busted out my autumn sweater last week, and they've already drained the canal.

I also have to try not to think about walking. It's not that I mind walking, or that it's boring or anything. It's that I'm getting the feeling that a slow deconstruction of the mind is taking place, and I'm forgetting simple things, like how to walk.

So, onto reason #1274 on why I'm a fool:

Innocently, I asked a girl that I like for some help with a crossword. I'm probably never going to hear from her again, based on this story and multitude of other reasons, so I don't feel too bad about sharing it (although if I do hear from her, sharing this will be reason #1276). The clue I asked her about was for a five-letter word for "bat eyelashes." I didn't even know that bats had eyelashes. I got one of the letters off another clue. It was the first letter of this five-letter word, 'F'. And I was still thinking that I didn't even know bats had eyelashes.

It wasn't about bats.

So the next day when I got the solution I realized that my obsession with bats had lead me astray. Next thing they're going to tell me is that bats aren't bugs.

For those of you who are like me and are slightly oblivious, the word was 'flirt'. So, when girls are batting their eyelashes, it's not because the wind is in their eyes. Maybe sometimes it's the wind, but definitely not when they're indoors. I seriously need to wake up. I can't believe it's taken me this long to get this one thing. Wow, I've probably missed a chance with tons of girls (well, at least 2) because I'm not good at this non-verbal talking to other people thingie.

I think this is an appropriate description of myself.

Flibbertigibbet n : a silly flighty person.

the pressure of the spotlight

Mike Martz, the coach of the St. Louis Rams, is in a hospital with a heart condition. Sad news to hear, but it bears some reflection. This is the same coach, who in the first play of this 2005 season used his first coach’s challenge. He challenged the kickoff, where his returner stepped out of bounds with the ball at the Rams own 2-yard line. Needless to say, he lost that challenge.

Because of that, and for many other reasons, Mr. Martz has been the whipping boy of a few pundits over the last few years. His coaching style is unorthodox to say the least. Now on the global stage this Monday night against the monster that is the Indianapolis Colts, he will not be at his team’s sideline. Could it be that the pressure finally got to him? Or is he just pulling a Willis Reed?

To the MLB playoffs. Somehow I knew that the game between the White Sox and Angels this past Wednesday night was going to be a classic. I was even going to mention it here. But I didn't. Somewhere off in the distance, a baby is crying. Life goes on.

I think now that we have lost the media globs that are the yankees and the red sox, baseball, from a baseball perspective, is at it's best. The games will make the news, not the historical teams. Except for the fact that the White Sox haven't won a World Series since 1917. Expect that to come up fairly often should the White Sox make it to the Series. History notwithstanding, the baseball being played in the championship series is really fun to watch these days. Cheerleader says, "go team."

I attended a lecture last night by Mr. Tariq Ramadan and Alex Neve. It was about human rights and security. Mr. Neve presented an argument which included the point that human rights are always being put second (or being sacrificed) to some other thing, these days it is security.

Mr. Ramadan presented many valid points revolving around the responsibilities of Muslims in the Western world. It can't be boiled down to simple points. It is a huge subject. But I guess the point is that there is a struggle within each of us, between the crazy dude who seems more fun, and the rational one who is a little more boring. Right now extremism is the way to go. We are not listening to voices in the middle, because they don't sell advertisers. So we automatically align people in extreme camps. Which is unfair. A small minority of people is shaping the image of the vast majority of those people.

What can be done? Speak up before we are sold that we are all crazy dudes of one extreme or another and that we have no rational human side to our selves. Say one thing, and mean that thing. Do not have separate universes. Be one person with everyone, it's easier not to lie than to try to appease everyone else by being what we think they'd like you to be.

We all have different sides to us. But we are all globs of soul. Big and small at the same time.

Glob noun 1 : a small drop : blob 2 : a usually large and rounded mass.

I think the Angels will win in 6, and that the NLCS is going 7, and I flipped a coin that said that the Cardinals will win in 7. The people in St. Louis might not have Mr. Martz, but they do have the Cardinals. And it all comes full circle.

strictly confidential

Or so they say. And then they proceed to inform me of the millions of dollars the wife of an ex-president of Tanzania wants to give me to store for safe keeping. She got my email address from her late husband's private study, so she knows she can trust me.

It gets better.

There is $25 million in a box, in a safe. The reason it's in a box, is so the security company holding the box wouldn't know its contents. And now they want to put the money in a safer place. Because the present government isn't friendly with her family. I've also won tons of lotteries that I haven't entered.

But the thing that gets me these days is the new word verification procedure. I can't get the words on my first try. They're all tilted and elongated under crossing lines and it confuses me. After my third try the site usually tells me to just type a letter of the alphabet, any letter, it doesn't matter, just be competent enough to strike a key. That's the kind of motivation that can make one start writing a blog.

Callow adj : lacking adult sophistication: immature

lessons never learned

Sometimes as we are making mistakes, we realize that we are making the mistake, and we can not do anything to prevent ourselves from making the mistake. It's one of those battles we have within ourselves, and the reasonable one always loses. Why does he lose? Well, I think it's because he's reasonable, and the irrational one is just so much more fun to go with, he's like "yeah, come'on, I know it's crazy, but it'll be great." And it's always crazy, but it's not always great. This was one of the not great nights.

I have made many mistakes, too many to mention, however, tonite I repeated one. Again. Stupid Hoss, stupid, stupid Hoss.

All is not lost. But I have decided to ground myself for the next week or so to try to do some learning from this repeating. Yes, I'm dispensing some self-parenting, because otherwise, I'm not sure I'll learn. Nevermind that I wouldn't have got myself into trouble had I been out.

No matter how down things are at any particular moment, no matter how hard one tries to be on oneself, things will look better in the light of a new day. What a sappy self-promotional speech. Put the head down, keep chugging. Too busy to think.

Assiduous adj : marked by careful unremitting attention or persistent application.

case of the missing potato

My apartment smells like potato. Maybe it's all the potats I've been eating. I dunno, it seems like there's a potato that went awol and now is just sitting around providing odor.

In other news (learned from Gregg Easterbrook); Voyager has an 8-kilobyte active memory in its main computers, versus a standard 128 megabytes in new desktop PCs for home use. That is to say, your home computer has 16,000 times more processing power than the computer running a spacecraft that has left the solar system.

And I'm spending my free time looking for a mysterious potato. The cusp of civilization, I tells ya.

Porn, dubbed from English into French, is how I'm learning how to speak French. So far, chicks do not dig it.

chanteuse : a female concert or nightclub singer.

Finally, I have to say something about the weather. I'm talking to random old ladies I meet on the street about it, and now I have to record it here. The train of thought that is in my head while I walk around is "this is October?" Because it's not usually 30 degrees Celsius in October. I'm not going to say global warming, the core of earth is a big ball of fire. Because the world does heat up and melt, and clearly we're at a heating up stage. Ok fine, we might be, as a species, accelerating the process of heating up just a tad. So hurricanes, earthquakes, Tsunami's, and outdoor pools in Ottawa in October. This fire is out of control.

Plus side. Chicks in summer dresses and nice skirts. I must have quite the foolish grin on sometimes.

Black Hat Brigade

Never bet against Brett Favre on Monday night, it's a maxim. Against the NFC pick to go to the superbowl, on the road, it might be tough for him to win, but still. Can't bet against Favre on monday night.

So Naomi Klien has a book out, No Logo. I read it years ago when it first came out. That's right, I'm hip to the scene before the scene is hip.

A few years ago I obtained (read: stole from my brother) a fitted hat, that fits me. It's all black, no logo. I've been wearing it, that and my Toronto Maple Leafs hat (that I've had for about 16 years now, I have problems letting things go) around. So, now I see lots of people with the No Logo hat.

Which is funny, because I wanted to know the score of a Red Sox-Yankees game this past friday night, and I went up to a guy who was wearing a fitted Red Sox hat. I asked him if the Red Sox won. His response was "of course they did, otherwise I wouldn't be wearing this hat" or something of that ilk.

So this joke, a Boston Red Sox fan in Ottawa, Ontario Canada, is all about the winning team. What's the lesson to be learned? I cheer for me, and I'll always be my own fan, that's why I wear a hat with no logo. Others cling to a winning team on the hopes of looking cool by being associated with a winner.

Well, now I gots fans all over. Lots of guys are wearing variations of the no logo hats. We are the black hat brigade. Our motto is "peace, love, and evolution of the mind." Just kidding. We have no motto.

We were going to go with "rah rah rah", but then we realized how foolish it would be to attach a slogon to a motif of 'no logo'.

For pedagogic reasons, it just might be simpler to say you learn something new everyday.

Pedagogy n : the art or profession of teaching; esp : education.