Saturday, January 28, 2006

what's the quota?

It's the end of the month and the officiating in the NHL is getting worse. That must mean that there is a quota of penalties called that a referee has to reach each month.

(Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)
Sidney Crosby sits alone in the penalty box in a game against the Islanders. The NHL is looking into expanding the Penalty Box seating area to accommodate the addiction to penalty calling their officials have. Also on the agenda is the proposal for adding a 2 minute minor penalty for exhaling, that is when a player breathes, and the force of that breath knocks down an opposing player.

Watching the Leafs-Habs game and holy crap are the penalties bad. The officiating has transformed the game into Falcon Beach on ice.

I don't know what that means either.

What it means is that I've taken shits, wiped my ass, and come up with better dialogue on the remnants of my toilet paper than the writing on this show.

Seriously, Falcon Beach sucks, and so does the officiating in the Leafs Habs game.

Although the Falcon Beach has a concept of Party Girls which is kinda cool. Not as good as the Arrested Development idea of Girls with Low Self Esteem though.

I found my dictionary.

Interdict transitive verb 1 : to lay under or prohibit by an interdict
2 : to forbid in a usually formal or authoritative manner
3 : to destroy, damage, or cut off (as an enemy line of supply) by firepower to stop or hamper an enemy

Friday, January 27, 2006

what's in a name?

Today the Deviled Eggs Society went against its own constitution to announce the end of their previous handle. Citing numerous focus group studies, they have come to the conclusion that the dish known as 'deviled eggs' is dropping the word 'deviled' from its name.

An 18th century term meaning spicy, the word deviled has been found to be harming the production of the tastily spicy cold eggs dish. "People would just boil eggs and eat them and not wait for them to get cold, fearing that they would be selling their souls for the tasty treat" said Admishin Farnstinoggle, the president of the Deviled Eggs Fan Society. "So we decided that if we stopped calling them deviled eggs, and just went with 'eggs' or 'coldy treatertons' or even 'somma dem spicy eggs', more people would eat them."

Same cold eggs, different name. Our children are the better for it.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

babcock fired

"In hindsight, we should have gotten someone more proven." -Richard Peddie, President and CEO of MLSE January 26, 2006.

Now that he's gone, lets go ahead and speak ill of the dead. When you are going to trade for players, it might be in your best interest to talk to them yourself and see where they are. If the team you're trading with won't let you talk to the players involved in the trade don't do it. The last thing you want to do is trade for a guy, trade your most marketable guy for that guy, and have that guy not want to play for your team.

It's not rocket science, it's called good business. It's totally Babcocks fault that he traded a guy who didn't want to play for the Raptors for a bunch of guys including another one who didn't want to play for the Raptors. Actually, I think the count is up to two now with Eric Williams reportidly demanding a trade a few weeks ago.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Raptors up by 14 at the half.....

and then Kobe decided to show up.

Yeah. So the Raptors lost because of one man. You might hear about how this goes to show how selfish he is, or how ruthless he is. What cannot be disputed are the simple facts. 81 points. And, as a Raptor fan, it's just humbling and awe inspiring to see this occur. I'd much rather see a Kobe drop 81 than a Leafs drop a 7-0.

Mamba. You seriously rule. Congratulations. Even Jordan hasn't done what you just did. For all the shit that might be thrown your way, you are one hell of a basketball player.

Seriously folks, I don't even care about the loss. Bravo, well done.

Remember when he had 63 points by the third earlier this season and quit because the Lakers were winning? This is what he can do when he needs to.

Now I'm going to swear. Holy fucking shit. Pardon my French, I'm a little drunk.

Don't forget to vote. VOTE! Seriously, 81 points and vote.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

and now we go live to our correspondent on the scene

So I just got back from the 7-0 Ottawa beating of Toronto. I'm here with my buddy Mike and we both have a few things to say about tonites game. I'm going first, because I am.

Me: Ok, first of all, most fans ever (apparently) at a hockey game tonite 20,093. Lots of Blue and White in the stands. I start a "go Leafs go" chant off the puck drop, and by my third go, the sens have scored. Things do not look good.

They didn't get better. Leafs lost, Belfour was left out to dry by Quinn, I lost my voice by the second period. I hate Spezza. Kid's got talent, but he's a prima-donna. I really don't like his attitude. He's going to get his clock cleaned one of these days. I come to the realization that I will bet on Sweden to win the Gold medal at the Olympics.

That's all from me, I think Mike has something to say. Go Mike.

Mike: Wow, I'm actually saying something here that's not anonymous. I feel so important. Thank you Hoss... err Hossim. Well, first of all, by letting Eddie come out to play the second period after the way the Leafs played in front of him in the first Quinn was basically slapping hall of famer Eddie Belfour in the face. But when he let him come out to play the third, he was pissing in his face. Yes that's right, PAT QUINN PISSED IN THE FACE OF EDDIE BELFOUR. Secondly, the sens fans suck, they're not even fans, I view them all as bandwagon jumpers. As soon as the Sens current winning era is over, they'er going to lose their team, mark my words. In Montreal, I feel a true rivalry, the fans are more passionate and seem to have more fun. With sens fans it's like they have some inferiority complex, it's like a younger brother beating an older brother at something, the younger brother is careful not to boast too much or rub it in the older brothers face because he knows that in the long run he'll get his. And in the long run, Ottawa will get theirs... that being the Sacremento Senators... you heard it here first. Thirdly, I'm going out to party now... woooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

life as a video game

Ever play video games? I do. Mostly I play sporting games. Currently here are the games I play; College Hoops 2k6, NHL 2006, MVP Baseball 2005, Madden 2006. Usually I take a team and play in franchise mode. Owning the team, and getting to play at the same time. Sometimes, rarely, I create a player with my name and assign attributes that I think I would have if I were an athelete. Sometimes I make a perfect player, one who is the fastest, strongest and most talented.

I do this in my fantasy universe, and then this guy comes out and steals my idea. This guy decides to come out and do it in real life. This guy decides to be a hockey player. This guy decides to be unbelievably talented with special cheat codes that allow him to score goals on his back while not facing the net. Who is this guy?

(AP Photo/Paul Connors)

Umm....yeah. Monday January 16, 2005. Phoenix Coyotes versus Washington Capitals. 5-1. 11:54 of the third period. The Great One coaching the visiting squad. Later, Gretzky would say (of Ovechkin's goal) "that was pretty sweet... you know, he's a phenomenal player, and he's been a tremendous influence in the game. It's great to see, because he is that good." (AP)

If you want to catch a clip of what I'm talking about, go to and click on the first link.

Thanks James.

As a side, watch the reaction of Boyd Gordon after Ovechkin puts it in the net. He's the Capital who sped down the ice with Ovechkin and had the best vantage of the puck going into the net. Boyd looked like a 3rd wheel on a hot date. After the puck went in I think he just did a lighting-fast life evaluation and came to the conclusion that as good as he ever thought he was, he would never be nearly as good as Ovechkin. Perhaps he thought "I'm not really needed here, is anyone really needed here?" I'm going to spend most of my time in my STATS class tonite coming up with different thoughts that may have passed through Boyd's head while standing at the side of the Phoenix net.

Here's one more. "Would it really have been that bad if I touched the puck before it went in the net?"


As a hockey fan I should just note that I heard from two radio sources (Team 1200 and CBC radio 1) about the Anaheim Mighty Ducks today. They played in Boston yesterday and don't play again until Thursday here in Ottawa. They've got some time, so they spent some this morning on the Rideau Canal playing hockey. I don't know why, and frankly don't want to know why, but hearing that a professional hockey team was playing some shinny with kids just makes my day.


I'm adding Off Wing opinion to my links because Eric McErlain who writes there knows what he's talking about. Plus he's in Washington and I take back what I said about moving the Caps away from there. I would never wish that on a hockey fan, not even here in Ottawa.

I'm also going to the Leafs-Sens game this Saturday and am very excited about that. I'm going to be "one of those guys", loud, possibly intoxicated, and wearing a Leaf jersey.

Go Leafs Go.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

go figure

Raptors hired Gene Keady on December 9, 2005. In just over a month since his hiring, the team has gone 8-8. I'd say that's a good thing. Team seems to be able to distributed the ball better on offence, but the defence is still slightly suspect. To wit, last night against the Bulls, Raptors started the game 7-7 from the field and still were only up by 5 points.

Things are looking up in Raptor land. The team sure does seem to be jelling. Anyways, here's something Gene Keady did 5 years ago on David Letterman.

Top Ten Purdue University Basketball Head Coach Gene Keady Tips For Looking Your Best

10. Shake head violently. If a single hair moves--keep spraying.

9. You can find some snazzy ties in the stadium lost and found.

8. Always comb with the grain, not against it.

7. Yelling at players makes your face purple -- that's sort of like having a tan.

6. Tight pants highlight the fact you're a member of the "Big Ten."

5. Don't be one of those guys with hair plugs -- I mean, who do they think they're fooling?

4. I live by one simple rule--try to look better than Dick Vitale.

3. On special occasions, I like to use a little eyeliner.

2. Never, under any circumstance, go to Letterman's barber.

1. Forget "six-pack" abs...just go for the six-pack.



Watched one hell of a hockey game tonite between the Leafs and the Canucks. Leafs dominated the Canucks in the third period, but still lost 4-3. Steen scored one hell of a goal on a backhand on a breakaway against Auld, and seemed to be playing with some passion, when he was holding onto his stick that is. Domi is paired with Sundin, who got a lot more icetime tonite then usual 22:37 (his average this year is 19:24). But he didn't lead the Leafs forwards, that goes to Mr. Steen who pulled off 23:17. Big man on the night for time was no suprise. No McCabe means 31:49 for Kaberle.

Notable offences on the evening go to the Vancouver fans where music was played and then instead of saying "charge" or "go Canucks" they were chanting "Leafs suck." Which seems to be the trend for the Leafs on the road. It seems that the 5000 or so Leafs fans on the road are louder then the 18000 they pack at home, in terms of cheering for the Leafs. I went to a Leafs-Habs game in November and at least the Montreal fans had the decency to try and drownout the "go Leafs go" chant with a "go Habs go" one. In some stadiums (like Vancouver) the home fans just drown the chant with boos.

Like Reggie Jackson once famously stated, "fans don't boo nobody's".

Encomium n : glowing and warmly enthusiastic praise; also : an expression of this

Friday, January 06, 2006


Guess who comes back to town tonite?

(AFP/Getty Images/File)

Ex-Magic, ex-Raptor. The one man wrecking crew. He'll end up ruining something, whether it's his own team or the team he's playing against. Kids these days, who knows the value of team? Canada Junior team

So here's the deal. Toronto has to be near the top of booing crowds in the world. This is not a judgement on the people, strictly an observation. Heck, even I've gone to Raptor games and booed Stoudamire, Carter, and McGrady everytime they touched the ball. Rob Babcock has been spotted on TV wearing earplugs for home games. I've only been to one game this year (thanks to a good man named Ross) and, well, I was pretty drunk so I don't remember if anyone was booing Babcock. People do hold up signs though. Maybe he should wear horseblinders. To his credit, I saw him on TV during the last game, I mean ant-stomping, of the Magic without the plugs. Rob, people (like me) who disrespect you and some people who shout at you and call you things like "Raptor Killer" are in the same boat as you. We all want the team to do well, and when we're mad, we're not exactly yes-men. Stand up for yourself and keep the earplugs out, at least while the camera's are on you. I saw you on "Off-the-Record" with Michael Landsberg and you sat there and did well.

Back to the boo-birds in TO. We got Alomar pretty good after he left, and man oh man did the Toronto fans give it to Raffy Palmeiro last year. Booed so loud that earplugs weren't enough, he had to tape them on and stuff them with cotton as the game went on. If Rose and Jackson aren't in the Hall buddy, neither are you. Numbers can be overshadowed. Maybe you should advertise for your inclusion, on a spot that might never be filled (check raffy25(dot)com top banner).


Back to Basketball, the Raptors are only 3.5 games behind the Magic and the Celtics for the last playoff spot in the east. A boy can dream can't he? Speaking of dreams, I dream't that the Sacramento Kings were either in, or won the NBA championship. Ummm....yeah, that's not going to happen.

Raptors play the Rockets tonite, Nets on Sunday, and Bulls on Monday, Bobcats on Wednesday. 4 games in 6 days. And then it begins. Between January 15th and 29th (two weeks) the Raptors play NINE (!) games. Including what is traditionally known as a scheduling "perk". Perk my ass. After hosting the Knicks on the 15th (which is 4 days after their previous HOME game against Bobcats) the Raptors go to Utah to play two nights later, Portland the following night, Seattle two days later, Lakers two days later, Denver the next night and then back to Toronto to host the Bulls two days later. Ugh. That's an 7 game stint in 10 days sandwiched by two home games and filled in with a little 5 games-in-a-week western road trip (!). Double ugh.

So yeah. Talk about testing your mettle. Good luck boys.


Speaking of Western Road trips, the Leafs are on one too. Best divisions in hockey meet this year (Northwest and Northeast). You know what's frustrating? Growing up with a simple Norris, Smythe, Adams and crap, I forget the 4th one right now. Well, I still haven't gotten my head around the new NHL division allocations, alls I know is the best teams should, and do, play in the Northern divisions. Anyways, the worst team in the Northwest is the Wild, and a quick glance shows that they have as many points as the Habs who are 4th in the Northeast. It's been a few years (thanks to the lockout) that we've seen the Flames, Oil and Canucks and it will be the last for a few more years (barring Stanley Cup final matchups and preseason) so enjoy.


Going for the Grand Slam of sports- blogging (all four major sports) in one post. NFL football playoffs.

Lets see, a Sunday a few weeks ago I was flipping by a high scoring game and I had no interest in stopping to watch. It was the Bucs-Skins. Lucky me, they play again on Saturday. I'll probably watch Hockey Day in Canada as the winner of this game won't get passed the second round.
Prediction: Habs 5 Sens 3 (they play at 2, it's hockey DAY).

Gawd damnit Cartman, you are such a fat ass. You went and scheduled the Leafs-Oilers on Hockey day in Canada at the same time as the ONLY playoff game I really want to watch. Jags-Pats. I like the Jags but have come to the conclusion to never, ever bet against the Patriots with Coach and Brady. Which means naturally that they'll find some way to tie.
Prediction: no flipping channels between 7-8 that night, and then massive channel flipping between 8-9:45, and slight channel flipping between 10-11:30 (Canucks-Flames). Leafs win, Pats win. Pats-Indy second round. It would be no other way.

Carolina-New York. This one time, I lost a chip, but didn't know it. A few days later I found it under the cushions when I was looking for my phone. It wasn't as crispy, but it still had its flavour. I am telling you this because I have no football dialogue to contribute to this game. I can't even start a sentence to analyze it.
Prediction: It might rain, that makes the field slippery and the Giants kicker missed a couple of clutch field goals against Seattle. My Carlos Delgado bobblehead doll agrees with me.

Pittsburgh-Cincinnati. Um, another toss up. Cincinnati can't stop the run, and Pittsburgh can run. Cincinnati can really throw the ball well.
Prediction: Might be the best game of the weekend and I will probably have no money left to bet on this one.

Have fun, bet a little, and yeah. Go Leafs/Raptors Go.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

just who is watching?

Half way through the NHL season, and the race for Phil Kessel is on. From watching a few USA games at the world juniors, I haven't seen too much from the kid that solidifies number 1 draft pick status, but he is still filling out and should make a nice line partner with Rick Nash. It would be nice for him to go to Columbus.

So, lets see how the new NHL is doing. Today, we check on you, the fans. Some idiosyncrasies that have been found by checking the files. Attendence notes. I'll do them in the form of percentages because stadium capacities vary.

Top 5
1. Calgary 112.4%
2. Ottawa 105.3%
3. Tampa Bay 104.6%
4. Toronto 103.1%
5. Minnesota 102.9%

Bottom 5
26. Carolina 77.5%
27. St. Louis 74.0%
28. New Jersey 72.5%
29. Chicago 71.6%
30. Washington 68.7%

Notes: Vancouver, Philadelphia, Detroit, Montreal and Colorado also have 100% capacity so far.


Top 5
1. Vancouver 100.7%
2. Detroit 97.8%
3. Philadelphia 96.4%
3. Colorado 96.4%
5. Montreal 96.3%

Bottom 5
26. Nashville 86.7%
27. Columbus 86.5%
28. Washington 85.6%
29. Atlanta 85.1%
30. Tampa Bay 80.1%

Umm... yeah. So the defending Stanley Cup champions are the worst draw in hockey, by a fair margin? Maybe the NHL needs to keep running those 'My NHL' ads during hockey games, and only during games. In fact, I don't think I've seen a 'My NHL' ad that has not been either on a sports network or during the game. Perhaps I should to follow the NHL policy and officially promote my blog, on my blog. I'll use numbers to pad my stats like when people are reading my blog, 100% of them are reading my blog and 50% of them are my mom (Hello Amma, I'm still alive).

While I'm off on this, it's stupid like that whole thing about fans not leaving the stands during the shootouts. Well, duh. Getting them to not leave their seats should not be their problem, getting them into those seats should be. And when the defending champions are not enough to draw fans into the seats, well. Arg, my anger is akin to hunger anger. In fact, I probably do need to eat (Don't worry Amma, I'm eating well). Lets just move on

Top 5
1. Calgary 103.0%
2. Vancouver 100.9%
3. Detroit 99.0%
4. Philadelphia 98.7%
5. Ottawa 98.2%
5. Colorado 98.2%

Bottom 5
26. Atlanta 83.6%
27. New Jersey 82.5%
28. Chicago 81.4%
29. St. Louis 80.8%
30. Washington 76.9%

Notes: Washington might have the most exciting player this year on their team and very few people go to see him. I saw him do an interview on TSN last night between periods and he's not so eloquent with his english (perhaps slighty more so than myself) and yet looking at him I can't help but feel that he needs to be traded to a new city. In fact, they should trade the Manitoba Moose for the Washington Capitals.

Overall Notes: If I were to ask you which teams get a better draw on the road than at home you'd probably guess quite easily. Washington qualifies because no-one goes, but there are 12 (!) others who also draw better (percentage wise) on the road than they do at home. Almost half the league is a better draw on the road, which goes to show that those who watch, watch a lot. My NHL, best ad campaign ever.

Anyways, the answer(s) would be Boston, Phoenix, Buffalo, New Jersey, Carolina, Anaheim, NY Islanders, Chicago, St. Louis, Florida, Nashville, Washington, Atlanta all draw better on the road than they do at home.