Wednesday, September 28, 2005

just sick

Tonite I found myself saying "what" over and over again, and every time I said it my voice reached a higher pitch. I think my neighbours would have wondered what made me talk outloud to myself in such a manner.

I thought the highlight of the Cleveland Tampa game tonite came early on when Toby Hall (the D-Rays catcher) and Coco Crisp (batter for the Indians) almost came to blows because, get this, Crisp was taking too long to step into the batters box. When Hall motioned for Crisp to hurry up as Crisp was stepping to the plate, Crisp took a step back and brushed some dirt off his shoe. Hall got up, Crisp stepped up, bullpens emptied. Just another basebrawl. Cooler heads prevailed and they played. And then....

Ron Belliard. Cleveland Indians second baseman. Top of seventh against the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Runner on first. go to and check their highlights, I'm sure they'll have it. The play was sick. I think that the words 'sick' and 'what' are the only two that I can use to properly describe the visual situation.

Here's the word of the day.

Ron Belliard n 1 : infield baseball player 2: dude can flat out ball.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

directly addressing the matter

Tonite on Monday night football Al Michaels referred to the home field advantage that the Denver Broncos have as being "worth 1.5 points in the spread."

The man has to be a legend to get away with addressing the gambling aspect of football on air. They've always alluded to it, but never talked about it so openly.

Baseball. Just finished watching the debacle that was the monday night game between Kansas City and Denver and flipped over to San Diego to catch the end of the Giants-Padres game. I like to believe that as I'm flipping channels, I'm travelling.

Whats going to haunt me until I die is the female voice saying "Andrew, it's dry and it doesn't smell bad." Stop smelling his clothes, you crazy possessive bitch.

Back to the game, Peavy was pitching. 2-1 Padres top of ninth, Hoffman in. Ellison on first base for the Giants, Winn up to bat, 2 out. Winn hits one deep to centre, Giles goes back back back, leaps at the wall, hits the wall with his back, catches the ball at the wall but drops it as he bounces off the wall and hits the ground. The fireworks operator at Petco Field hit the fireworks button thinking the game was over. Not at all. Ellison scores, 2-2, Winn at third. The next batter Vizquel walks. The next batter J.T. Snow (a roomate of Hoffman at university), singles through the right side to score Winn. 3-2 Giants

Game one of the series, Peavy did the pitching. Vizquel makes 2 great defensive plays to bookend the ninth inning.

It's three games behind for the Giants now.

I may not believe in much, but I do believe that the phrase "the tying run is on base and Barry Bonds is on deck" must not sit well with opposing team pitchers.

Pettifog vb 1 : to engage in legal trickery 2 : to quibble over insignificant details

Monday, September 26, 2005

How was your day?

Sometimes you open your mind and heart through the keyboard and the internet decides to delete it. It doesn't matter. The moment is lost but the word is not.

Manque adj : short of or frustrated in the fulfillment of one's aspirations or talents.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

reflections of a window on a wall

Horology n : the science of measuring time or constructing time-indicating instruments.

The horologist time-traveller noted the amount of electronic/mechanical devices adorned by some classes of humans to recognize which century he had landed in. It was particularly interesting, he remarked, that the initial mechanical construct carried around by the general populace was a form of time telling device. It was furthermore of note that to him that there were those who believed in a superior consciousness being with attributes remarkably similar to humans. These people would use the 'watch-on-a-beach' analogy to argue the existence of there patriarchal superior.

Not taking sides in the argument, the horologist decided that he would provide evidence that everyone can be right. The evidence was called 'smilements'; the usage of smiles to measure the length of moments. The idea for smilements came to him as he eavesdropped on a conversation between a squirrel and a rabbit.

The concept that other animals listen to each other and that most humans do not listen to the animals (domesticated creatures notwithstanding) was baffling to the horologist. So he listened to the squirrel and rabbit discuss how quickly they could move once they heard the approach of a humanoid.

The rabbit remarked how once he was in the middle of a large smilement when a humanoid approached, and how this smilement was so all-encompassing that he forgot to run. The squirrel thought (and correctly so) that humanoids did not recognize the importance of smilements, and rushed along quickly to other things that they had planned to be moments. He continued and remarked that smilements were felt by few humanoids, but those who did know what a smilement was were not respected by other humanoids because of their lack of hygiene.

How do you measure your moments? With memories? As babies, we could never imagine how fast life moves. Before you know it, you're standing at the precipice of your life. All you can see is another pair of eyes. The eyes are smiling because you gave them smilements. And so it was, and so it will always be.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

The band is with me

Slightly over confident, or perhaps more than slightly, I decided that confidence manifests itself physically right next to consciousness. And that I was to have more of it. Why not?

Actually, it makes me wonder. Confidence has two slightly different definitions. Why won't someone talk about the duality of confidence? I guess if you want a job done right...

1 Confidence n 1: trust, reliance 2: self-assurance, boldness 3 : a state of trust or intimacy.

2 Confidence adj : of or relating to swindling by false promises.

I took myself aside and told in confidence, myself, that I had the confidence to succeed in being the most confident confidant ever.

Somedays a person just doesn't have his best stuff to throw at the plate. Today is one of those days. Best to go to sleep early and to better in the morn.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Ghost in the machine

Feeling bored, I tried to solve the mystery that is human consciousness. It made me tired. Basically, I tried to pinpoint consciousness' physical location. I couldn't place it in my brain, couldn't place it in my heart, couldn't place it in my toes. I just couldn't feel it. Where is it? Is it in my brain?

And then, poof, that thought process was gone. Tempus edax rerum: time, that devours all things.

I find that the popularity of the Daily Show now has changed it. I compare it to the same show I watched 5 or so odd years ago, and now thanks to hooting and hollering from the audience every time someone comes on camera, a good 2 minutes of the show have been lost. Perhaps the louder people are, the less they feel they have to hear what others have to say and just seeing them is enough. Perhaps the more one types on a blog that is seemingly going nowhere, the less he has to do which could actually be productive and thinks that just writing is enough. I think I just touche'd myself.

Damn Padres beat the Rockies tonite. Only because Peavy pitched for them. I think he has 2 starts left, which means, by my account, they have 2 wins left. Hopefully one of those games is against the Giants and Barry rips into him and he loses. Needless to say, the Giants have to sweep them. They can still do it. Go San Fran.

The answer to the question is $20. I've bet $20 that the Giants can win their division.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

What I learned in school

Tautology: needless repetition of an idea, statement, or word; also : an instance of such repetition.

My Korean History professor mentioned that word after he was repeating himself. And someone asked him what it meant. I think I like it when people aren't afraid to look stupid, possibly because I've perfected that art.

I have added a link to Jordan's radio troop. It's called Screaming Halibut and it's ten minutes of sketch comedy on the radio. Some of it is funny. Well, most of it is funny. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that listen for yourself and see if you find it funny.

I'm now speaking to myself as if I was second person. Sometimes I speak in third person, so if I'm writing to myself I'd end up writing in third person to second person. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but let me give an example. 'The Hoss thinks that you need to make sure that he has some rice because he's running out of rice.' And that is how I make a grocery list.

Oh, and I think it's official. The lovely ladies who give me my weather are attractive to the point that I turn the tv on in the morning to see what the weather is like and then completely ignore what they have to say and possibly end up inappropriately dressed. Now I know that listening is a skill, and sometimes I really have to make an effort to do it, it just goes to show that mornings are not a time when I can go and make that effort. Basically, I wish I could cast the weather ladies.

Conversation overheard at a coffee shop. Girl telling guy how she got groped at the latest meat market club and perhaps there should be girl speak that rates bars in terms of gropage. I think I just invented a word. Nevertheless, they probably already have a scale like that.

The Chicago White Sox are pulling off what could be the biggest choke of all time, strike that the yankees had the biggest, while the San Fransisco Giants are separately pulling off what could be the biggest "when did that happen?" run at a division title.

Monday, September 19, 2005

The boomerang that is love

I think Eddie Murphy was in a movie called Boomerang or something.

The dude on the radio just said, in a song "I'm gonna look in the dictionary, and find the words to use." And Truman show paranoia sets in for me.

Leafs Sens preseason hockey. Ay, the game, she be back. Like sailor's wives who have just had their men return to shore, soon the bars will be full of men drinking and celebrating in unison the return of the lady they love. We are all gay. Orange juice is gay, and yes orange juice is a man. Water is gay.

So Sens win the preseason game. Whoop-dee-do. Sens fans that I have spoken with are paying serious attention to their back-up goalie Emery. Heh heh, both the Leafs and Sens have really old goalies. As a Leaf fan, Sens fans seem to constantly comment "at least our team doesn't have concussion problems." Well, the team might not, but the fans certainly do. Zing.

Bestir: to rouse to action. Possibly the opposite of be still.

My hunger bestirs me to the sandwiches.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Lost in Translation

Having dinner with my mother one day I got a lottery, I mean fortune cookie. I loved it. She didn't get it until I explained it. I present it to you. It reads,

"Now is the time to make circles with mints, do not haste any longer."

Now that's a beautiful fortune. It makes complete and total sense to me.

Lost/misplaced my thesaurus. Emailed Sports Guy at ESPN and told him to contact Merriam-Webster to get the definition of "fail" changed. No response yet, but he did list about 10-20 other emails that others sent him.

Finished reading Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe. Then listened to the Roots album by the same name. They mention him in the bopping tune 100% Dundee. Then saw a BBC report on the African aids crisis where the British reporter casually threw the phrase "things fall apart" into his report. That's three times now. Either I need a new hobby or have to find a way to join some people and share my hobby of looking for random repetition in the universe. Collective unconsciousness at its finest.

Anyways, in honour of Chinua I present Dashiki: modification of Yoruba danshiki: a usu. brightly coloured loose-fitting pullover garment.

Add that to my manteau and I'd have a foundation for quite a wardrobe.

Cuff the Duke play on Saturday night. Remember to write a review of that show. Sigur Ros play on Sunday night, hopefully will be to distracted to think about writing for that one. Have 2 days to brush up on romantic skills, which are weak to nonexistant at best. Best strategy is to set the bar low in terms of romance. Sure, it won't woo many girls, but when it does happen to work then it will be cool. Either I'm really tired or I'm so unromantic that all I can think of is that it would be cool.

Ending on a positive note. Saved a dog from being hit by a car early in this morning. Cute little dog too. SUV would have crushed it.

sleep and dreams call. I think tonite I'll be a pirate.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Ranting 101

So I'm on my way to school this morning and I'm crossing the street. Not paying too much attention, it being early morning and all. I'm almost all the way across, when a cab flies out and zooms right in front of me. It's not like I was blatently J-walking, the light had just turned red/green. Anyways, I stop, see the fucking coward on a cell phone zooming by. It's not like he was driving and didn't notice me, he was at a complete stop and then started. If he waited 3 seconds I would have fully crossed. The cab company is Blueline here in Ottawa, stupid me, I didn't get his number. But that's ok, they're all part of a union. Since they are, they are all accountable for the actions of their brothers. So I've got a job for you cops. Lets say something happens to blue-line vehicles now in town. Can you identify me and prove I did it because of what I've written here? Hypothetically speaking of course. I'm in no position to put the law in my own hands, but clearly there is no law which addresses this unique situation. Asides from a hit and run. Which they (Blueline) did to someone I know last year. So cabbies are one strike away from being out. Bus drivers struck out last year after I had to catch an old lady on a walker because the driver couldn't wait for her to grab a seat and decided to floor it. So maybe I'll just get hit by Blueline cabs and sue them until I can buy the company and fire them all. Or more likely, I'll just stop using them.

Vicissitude: the quality or state of being changeable 2 : a change or succession from one thing to another; esp : an irregular, unexpected, or suprising change.

On to school. I suggested to one of my Prof's that they make the text books available for a 3 hour reserve in the library as opposed to the normal 3 week borrow period. He said that it was a unique idea. But then he followed up with "since you're expected to have the text book..." which let me know exactly where he was coming from. Shut your mouth, open your wallet and have a nice bookshelf. I'll show him, I'll just borrow them from the library and read them as opposed to those who buy them and keep them shiny. What's the point here, to own the books or to get educated? Only a fool opens his wallet and then complains about the prices. Things, asides from gas, are available at discounted rates everywhere. Sure you pay more for gas, but you get to drive to a Wal-Mart and buy cheap shampoo.

Back to the Prof. Not all bad, allthough more mixed messages from him. He suggested the National Library Archives for research, which is a great find. He also said the books for the classes are there. So... books at the National library can only be read for a few hours, not taken out of the building. Hmm... sorta like a 3 hour reserve at the school library. Which makes my unique idea completely un-unique. Who has authority at school, the book store or the library? Considering that they're expanding the coffee shop at the library to the point where they have to put some books underneath (yes underneath) the arena, we know where the heart/wallet lies.

So detectives, put the clues together. Put all your resources towards stopping the written repercussions instead of addressing the problems.

In other news. Stuff happened, people died, people went missing. A good person quietly hoped that the little he could do may reduce some of the unfair that life is. It didn't, but we could use more like him.

Friday, September 09, 2005

i gotta new drug

Classic rock stations, and I don't know why I didn't mention this before, should stop playing "When the Levee Breaks" by Led Zepplin. Good song. Not so good times. "Shelter from the Storm" by Bob Dylan is good to play.

If you were from the Isle of Man, what would you be called? Or, what are people from the Isle of Man called? Men? Manman? Manonian? Nope. All wrong. The answer, is Manx. Which is also the name of a little pub here in Ottawa on Elgin street. Good food, good beer, great selection of whiskey and scotch. Scotchy scotch scotch, here it goes down, down into my belly. I'd go as far as to say best selection of whiskey in town. The only bad thing about the place, the Manx, is one story I have about one of my many trips there.

I was going there one day to meet a few friends before heading somewhere else, and getting there about 10 minutes before a poetry reading started. Now, I don't mind poetry readings at all. Go culture! But when you have someplace else to go to, and people start reading their published poems, well, lets just say it was hard to find a discreet moment to exit. The Pub is also quaint in size, meaning that everyone knew that when after 20 minutes I went outside under the pretense of smoking, I was just trying to get out. It's not my fault, the poetry sucked. I'm sorry to those people who wrote/read it. I'm sure it had plenty of meaning for you, but to me, it sucked.

Friday morning quarterback. Patriots won 30-20 over the Raiders. I made a little 20 spot bet for the Patriots to cover the 7.5 spread. They did. Not a tough call, the Raiders are not a good team. Their d-line was manhandled by the Pat's O-line. Tom Brady had so much time in the pocket that by the 3rd quarter, the television cameras were zoomed in on his legs. They showed his legs delicately bouncing off the ground and calmly getting set to throw. That Matt Leinart kid, quarterback for an NCAA team in California, the USC Trojans, he's going to be a really good qb (really weird segue, but stick with me here).

"What makes you say that Hoss?"

Well, not only did Matt decide to not declare eligibility for the draft to finish off his edumacation, which shows where his head is, his major is....ballroom dancing. That's right. An NFL player forsook millions in dollars to finish his education in ballroom dancing. I didn't get it either until last night when they had a close up of Brady's legs dancing in the pocket. Smooth like a butterfly. And then it dawned on me. Leinart is a genius. The 49ers screwed up with Smith, they should have waited for Leinart next year.

You see, the universe has this way of presenting clues to life. Things that appear meaningless, I place them away in a meaningless file in my brain. Also, the clerk who has access to all my files, he pays attention to those meaningless things, he's sorta got a thing for that. Anyways, that clerk, he's the dude that comes in most handy. Because I'm slow and don't pick up on things, he takes everything and sorts it out. Sooner or later (or never) something comes up, and that meaningless file loving clerk accesses the file and bam. Why do I know that Matt Leinart is majoring in ballroom dancing? Because I'm an idiot savant renaissance man.

On that note.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

love's labour's lost

Apparently, according to a road sign, "turning traffic must yield to pedestrians." So it's officially a jungle out there, and cars are bigger than humans so get out of the way.

A little blurb in a major Toronto newspaper stated that hurricane Katrina, or Kat as I like to call her, was bigger than any terrorist attack. It's good to know that in the face of a natural disaster, the populace is essentially being told, "hey, don't forget about terrorism." I wonder if the displaced people from Louisiana give two shits about the violent statements made by terrorists, and instead are wondering why the fuck their government couldn't get off the terrorism bandwagon quickly enough to get them some food so that they could, you know, live.

Listening to Noam Chomsky's on CBC's Massey lectures from 1988, it's amazing how in almost 20 years how he essentially pointed out a blueprint for how things are orchestrated, and how 20 years later, not much has changed. It's almost as though the conservative right-wing (who compared the masses and the common people and the amount of free will they have as the same as free will of lemmings) are right. The argument for media propoganda is that people are stupid, so lets fool them with necessary illusions. I'm glossing over a very well constructed argument, but dumbing down an argument doesn't make the argument wrong, it just dumbs it down. If you want more accurate info, read Manufacturing Consent, by the same Chomsky fellow, it is an indepth look into democracy and capitalism.

Imbibe: 1 : to receive and retain in the mind 2 : drink 3 : to drink in : absorb.

To hear is one thing, to imbibe is another. Open your ears people.

For those of you who like to partake in distracting hobbies from time to time, my NFL teams for this year are: (based on an auction of 6 total people each having to buy 5 different teams)
1. Kansas City - Like their defence upgrade, perhaps Dick wants to go out with a bang.
2. Seattle - Winners of the NFC west, St. Louis is on the downswing, as witnessed by their record against teams not in the NFC west last season.
3. San Diego - No one expected them to win more than 4 games last year, no one expects them to do the same this year. Lightning in a bottle? Perhaps. But hey, the best teams win inexplicably. Or maybe I'm just consoling my pick.
4. Jacksonville - Cardiac cats are just fun to watch. Defence keeps them close, and Leftwich should put some magically drives together again this year.
5. Arizona - Solid defence, young upstart offence. Weak division. Why not?

Sunday, September 04, 2005

What is it to fail?

Apparently the good folks at Merriam Webster have not updated their online definitions for 2005. Under the word 'fail', the third example is:

3 to fall short in satisfying the expectation or hope of (Boston Red Sox fans are pretty much used to having the team fail them) -- see DISAPPOINT.

Pretty much can't say that anymore. As for computers, mine's been flooded with ideas of not working, and so it doesn't work. Something is up. These things are, what's an appropriate word? Failing.

Asides from gas prices being at their highest ever, and a city below sea level joining the annals of Atlantis, not much going on. I predict in 4 months, or whenever we can start laughing about it, it's definitely too soon right now (and 4 months might be insensitive, but what can I say but that I'm dead inside), New Orleans will be the new Atlantis. Might take a year or so. How soon is too soon? Who has the right to make things appropriately funny? Not just for major disasters, but for anything, breakups, spilling milk. When does it become socially appropriate to laugh?

For example, when will it become appropriate to play "New Orleans is sinking" by the Tragically Hip? It's a great song, made the list of top 500 songs of all time on a local pop radio station, and they refuse to play it. I'd contest that it's never been more appropriate to use it than now. To that extent, here are the lyrics to the song, and I'll let you be the judge.

Bourbon blues on the street, loose and complete
Under skies all smokey blue-green
I can't forsake a dixie dead-shake
So we danced the sidewalk clean
My memory is muddy, what's this river that I'm in?
New Orleans is sinking man and I don't wanna swim

Colonel Tom, What's wrong? What's going on?
You can't tie yourself up for a deal
He said, "Hey north you're south shut your big mouth,
You gotta do what you feel is real"
Ain't got no picture postcards, ain't got no souvenirs
My baby, she don't know me when I'm thinking bout those years

Pale as a light bulb hanging on a wire
Sucking up to someone just to stoke the fire
Picking out the highlights of the scenery
Saw a little cloud that looked a little like me

I had my hands in the river
My feet back up on the banks
Looked up to the lord above
And said, "Hey man thanks"
Sometimes I fell so good, I gotta scream
She said Gordie baby I know exactly what you mean
She said, she said, I swear to god she said...
My memory is muddy what's this river that I'm in?
New Orleans is sinking man and I don't wanna swim

More reasons to avoid people. They change their minds about funny. It's sunday not even 1 pm, and it's already been a long week. I can't wait for football to start.