Friday, May 19, 2006

what is up, doc?

Good day everybody in the internet. I have spent some time recently in the outernet and boy, do I have some news for you. So sit back, relax, grab your popcorn, as a courtesy to other readers please turn off your cell phones, and enjoy the show.

How about them B.J.'s? No, I'm not talking about having another person slob on your knob, and no, I'm not talking about the relief pitcher for the Toronto Blue Jays, I'm talking about the Blue Jay's themselves. The team that no longer has the word "Blue" on their uniform or hats, and for some reason have been trying to shorten their name down to just "The Jays". Soon they will do away with the "ays" part and be known as the "J's". Then, when long names are cool again, they will again transform their name into "A primary colour followed by the tenth letter of the alphabet." Which might make for some weird uniforms, but they'll be hip, because people will be all about reading, which they will be able to do again in their automatically piloted flying cars or buses. It's funny, we already have airbuses (read: planes) and in fact, we do already have flying cars: they go by a more popular name of "small planes". The future is here people, flying cars, robots that clean after us, and small market teams from Raleigh-Durham, Buffalo, Edmonton and Anaheim being the top 4 teams in the NHL.

Yes, it's time for my predictions for the Stanley Cup Finals. Here they are.

Carolina versus Buffalo. - I don't know.

Edmonton versus Anaheim.
- I really don't know.

You can take those picks to the bank. I have no idea what is going to happen and even if I did, I wouldn't dream of just sharing such valuable information with you. Old man Biff was right, get a sports almanac, steal the Delorean Time Machine, go back in time and visit your younger self and give him that Almanac and sit back as you slowly but surely take over the internet gambling sites, porn sites and then the world! Ha ha! Take that Doc! Not Halladay, but the other Doc, McFly's uncle or something. I forget, did Doc ever come back from the old west? I don't remember what exactly happened, I do remember that movie raising some philosophical questions from myself, and in doing so, making me consult what Stephen Hawking thought of time travel. Lo and behold, Chapter 10 of a Brief History of Time, Hawking mentions the movie when talking about the alternate histories hypothesis (near the bottom of the page).

But I digress. About the Stanley Cup playoffs. Even though the Oilers ruined my chance of turning little money into lots (by eliminating San Jose), I am cheering for them. Not because they're Canadian, I don't buy into nationalistic cheering for professional sports teams. But because they play hockey like I would like to play hockey if I cloned myself 20 times, learned how to skate, and made a hockey team of me and my skating clones. It's also because of their goalie. Between Cam Ward, Ryan Miller, Ilya Bryzgalov and Dwayne Roloson, I'm choosing Rolie the Goalie. The sip from the cup is sweeter the longer the journey to it.

There once was a man named Rolie,
He was an Oiler, their best goalie.

Anagram of the day. Rolie-Oiler. Think about it.

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