Friday, December 16, 2005

toasters that kill

There are certain things that people just know without experience. For example; putting ones penis in a toaster and then turning it on. I don't need to try that out to know it wouldn't be pleasant. Or putting my penis in a sandwich maker, waffle maker, George Forman grill and then turning it on. I don't need to try it to know it wouldn't be a pleasurable experience. If you're having trouble imagining what I'm saying, here's a picture of a toaster to help you out.

And now you must be wondering why I'm talking about inserting my penis into inanimate kitchen appliances. Good question. My answer to that is, its gotta go somewhere, right?

Speaking of which. What exactly did King Kong want to do with that girl? I mean, he would ruin her. I'm trying to picture how it would work, but it's kinda difficult. It's because he's huge and she's not. And isn't the whole King Kong thing a twisted version of bestiality? This isn't like breeding dogs people. It's about a 25-foot Gorilla trying to have a relationship with a 5 foot 6 inch female human. It's time to play matchmaker. King Kong, do I have a girl for you.

Everybody needs somebody to love.


So I was watching the Red Wings Panthers game last night. What is up? Panthers beating the Red Wings? After beating the Predators? These teams probably don't see each other enough. Or the Panthers are much better than they're letting on.

Anyways. How would you like to be an NHL GM and come up with these stats from a guy you drafted in the 6th round, 171 overall in 1998?

GP G A Pts +/- PIM Shots
32 12 24 36 +10 6 63

Or how about these numbers from a guy in the 7th round, 210 overall in 1999?

GP G A Pts +/- PIM Shots
32 15 18 33 +5 12 108

Talk about late round picks coming to fruition. Detroit, you might have Matt Millen, but you also have Ken Holland. If you don't know, now you know.

a priori adj 1 : characterized by or derived by reasoning from self-evident propositions 2 : independent of experience.


What is a Hoss? A term that refers to a male partaking in something to the fullest enjoyment. i.e. someone who goes into a store and buys a gallon of milk and a bottle of chocolate syrup with the intention of drinking the entire thing in one sitting is a serious hoss.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You need to get laid. Talking about monster cocks turns you on doesn't it?