what playoffs do to me...

my life, I need to sleep, it's almost midnight.... baseball game is now tied.... can't sleep until game ends.... hope it doesn't go late.... top of ninth.... announcer just used word 'supposibly', wish I was kidding.... am hungry and went to the fridge and for some reason my crackers are in my fridge....

abeyance n : a condition of suspended activity.

My life is held in abeyance until the game ends. Chicks are impressed with my use of 'abeyance' until the full meaning of that last sentence hits them.

First stand up comic to use definitions to self-deprecate? I think that coulds be mes. Supposibly I'm funny at times.

bottom of ninth innning.... go Astros.... i looove chocolate, but its soo bad for me, but i looooove it.... that last quote was from family guy.... I'm seeing how long I can go without my beard itching me.... Go Leafs Go.... rambling now, as if you didn't notice.... endless stream of consciousness until the game ends.... this is how baseball announcers should call the game.... why won't someone score.... just one run.... and the pitcher throws to first.... argh.... when will Linus meet the Great Pumpkin?... pickoff throw misses, winning run on second with one out... runner steals third base.... wow.... what a play.... fly ball does it..... do they dare squeeze?... how do they get the caramel inside the caramilk bar?.... walk, great, that sets up a double play.... but it's Taveras, he's so fast.... 0-2 pitch coming, i sense a ball in the dirt.... wrong, pitch was high... wish i was high... wish i was asleep... now 2-2 count... swing and a miss.... and here comes the man Lance Berkman... and they walk him.... it's all up to Morgan, go Morgan.... i might just fall asleep at the keyboard.... probably would have funny dreams....by the way, watch Donnie Darko if you haven't already, it's set around halloween, it's about that time now.... game is going extra innings... nvcvrhybhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... that was the sound of my forhead hitting the keyboard.... i can't do this anymore.... someone win already.... go Astros...

back of the bus

Here's what I think I would look like if I was a South Park character. I have on my favourite green sweater (that I wear about 70% of the time between November and March) and some grey Value-Village pants. I think I'd walk around getting agitated easily, and an endless source of Cartman racist jokes that would just raise my ire. I would also smoke to try and make my voice raspy, but not quite so much so as that my voice would disappear. This character would have depth, and would be at the endless butt of many jokes for the other lads. When alone in his room, he would play with his Playmobil and pretend he was a superhero.

So a new thing that's started is that when I log on to my hotmail account, it says that some user has added me to their list. At first I thought, 'cool, could be a hot chick.' A few seconds later, after I calmed down, I got a message from this new person. Of course, they don't speak english. They do speak crappy french, or maybe I have crappy ears. So this fragmented conversation takes place where all that happens is that I don't get my Stats assignment done.

Anyways, now I don't accept these new people adding me to their list. I don't know why they do it, and I don't know why I talk to them.

semaphore n 1: a visual signaling apparatus with movable arms 2 : signaling by hand-held flags.

blind mans bluff

The new NHL 06 game for xbox has a little thing in it. They have rendered faces from players and coaches, and those players and coaches seem to say things at certain times. For example, when a penalty is called, sometimes you can see the player mouth the word 'bullshit' as he heads to the penalty box.
There are others, some say things more expilict then that. Safe to say, if you don't know the swear words, you're not learning anything new. So for kids, they aren't really exposed to anything.

jackanapes n 1 : monkey, ape 2 : an impudent or conceited person

Days are getting longer hours are getting shorter. I have this new theory, I'm not a good late fall, early winter person.

I was also wrong about the White Sox. I apologize to them but it seems as though they're doing a good job of taking care of business.

I also hate Philadelphia. Not much against the people, but in particular order the;

1) Flyers
2) Eagles and Andy Reid
3) Phillies (Mitch Williams bitches)
4) 76ers

Can all go desecrate themselves. We will never get along. It’s not me, it’s you.

Check it out, tv writing:

‘They’ve gotten to you haven’t they.’

Who? What? Was that a question? If you mean you and your crappy, crappy dialogue, then the answer is yes.

harvest moon

Sure it might have been last month, but for 5 minutes last night I caught it as it rose. Huge full moon. Just so the farmers have more daylight so they can harvest their crops until later in the evening. I'd like to thank the female race for inventing agriculture and giving those males who didn't want to kill something to bring home to eat.

Reason #2431 I don't get females:

The morbid fascination they seem to carry about death. Not all, but it seems to be a trend with girls I have just met. Maybe it's me (I don't know how it could be but I guess I have to say it). But the facts are, I meet females, and conversations go towards death. Who knows why? Maybe I have bad breath, I dunno. Here are two examples;

1) Driving girl home from a bar. She talks about how she's getting these crazy headaches, and is convinced they're from cell phones, and she's got a tumor and she's going to die at any moment. Cool. I have nothing to add to that conversation, except that we're all going to die at some point. So I keep my mouth shut and keep driving. Wonder what's on the radio.

2) Girl at bar asks me to dance. I say 'yes' and in talking with her I ask her how she busies her time. She says she's a journalist. Goes on to talk about how half the people in this bar are going to die, and viruses will kill a lot of people. Cool. I have nothing to add to that conversation except that we're all going to die at some point. So I keep my mouth shut and keep dancing.

Now, it's been established that I may not be the most Don Juan, or even Don Pedro. But I'm pretty sure these are not acts of flirting. The universe can be a confusing place at times. I'm going to go eat now, because being confused and hungry is a bad combination.

inimical adj 1 : being adverse often by reason of hostility 2 : hostile, unfriendly.

I have registered to play in the
Online Poker Blogger Championship!

This event is powered by PokerStars.

Registration code: 6702462

where has all the water gone?

Walking to school today I noticed something. First sign of winter. They've drained the Rideau Canal. They do that so it can freeze and people can skate/walk/jog on it. So there you have it, I just busted out my autumn sweater last week, and they've already drained the canal.

I also have to try not to think about walking. It's not that I mind walking, or that it's boring or anything. It's that I'm getting the feeling that a slow deconstruction of the mind is taking place, and I'm forgetting simple things, like how to walk.

So, onto reason #1274 on why I'm a fool:

Innocently, I asked a girl that I like for some help with a crossword. I'm probably never going to hear from her again, based on this story and multitude of other reasons, so I don't feel too bad about sharing it (although if I do hear from her, sharing this will be reason #1276). The clue I asked her about was for a five-letter word for "bat eyelashes." I didn't even know that bats had eyelashes. I got one of the letters off another clue. It was the first letter of this five-letter word, 'F'. And I was still thinking that I didn't even know bats had eyelashes.

It wasn't about bats.

So the next day when I got the solution I realized that my obsession with bats had lead me astray. Next thing they're going to tell me is that bats aren't bugs.

For those of you who are like me and are slightly oblivious, the word was 'flirt'. So, when girls are batting their eyelashes, it's not because the wind is in their eyes. Maybe sometimes it's the wind, but definitely not when they're indoors. I seriously need to wake up. I can't believe it's taken me this long to get this one thing. Wow, I've probably missed a chance with tons of girls (well, at least 2) because I'm not good at this non-verbal talking to other people thingie.

I think this is an appropriate description of myself.

Flibbertigibbet n : a silly flighty person.

the pressure of the spotlight

Mike Martz, the coach of the St. Louis Rams, is in a hospital with a heart condition. Sad news to hear, but it bears some reflection. This is the same coach, who in the first play of this 2005 season used his first coach’s challenge. He challenged the kickoff, where his returner stepped out of bounds with the ball at the Rams own 2-yard line. Needless to say, he lost that challenge.

Because of that, and for many other reasons, Mr. Martz has been the whipping boy of a few pundits over the last few years. His coaching style is unorthodox to say the least. Now on the global stage this Monday night against the monster that is the Indianapolis Colts, he will not be at his team’s sideline. Could it be that the pressure finally got to him? Or is he just pulling a Willis Reed?

To the MLB playoffs. Somehow I knew that the game between the White Sox and Angels this past Wednesday night was going to be a classic. I was even going to mention it here. But I didn't. Somewhere off in the distance, a baby is crying. Life goes on.

I think now that we have lost the media globs that are the yankees and the red sox, baseball, from a baseball perspective, is at it's best. The games will make the news, not the historical teams. Except for the fact that the White Sox haven't won a World Series since 1917. Expect that to come up fairly often should the White Sox make it to the Series. History notwithstanding, the baseball being played in the championship series is really fun to watch these days. Cheerleader says, "go team."

I attended a lecture last night by Mr. Tariq Ramadan and Alex Neve. It was about human rights and security. Mr. Neve presented an argument which included the point that human rights are always being put second (or being sacrificed) to some other thing, these days it is security.

Mr. Ramadan presented many valid points revolving around the responsibilities of Muslims in the Western world. It can't be boiled down to simple points. It is a huge subject. But I guess the point is that there is a struggle within each of us, between the crazy dude who seems more fun, and the rational one who is a little more boring. Right now extremism is the way to go. We are not listening to voices in the middle, because they don't sell advertisers. So we automatically align people in extreme camps. Which is unfair. A small minority of people is shaping the image of the vast majority of those people.

What can be done? Speak up before we are sold that we are all crazy dudes of one extreme or another and that we have no rational human side to our selves. Say one thing, and mean that thing. Do not have separate universes. Be one person with everyone, it's easier not to lie than to try to appease everyone else by being what we think they'd like you to be.

We all have different sides to us. But we are all globs of soul. Big and small at the same time.

Glob noun 1 : a small drop : blob 2 : a usually large and rounded mass.

I think the Angels will win in 6, and that the NLCS is going 7, and I flipped a coin that said that the Cardinals will win in 7. The people in St. Louis might not have Mr. Martz, but they do have the Cardinals. And it all comes full circle.

strictly confidential

Or so they say. And then they proceed to inform me of the millions of dollars the wife of an ex-president of Tanzania wants to give me to store for safe keeping. She got my email address from her late husband's private study, so she knows she can trust me.

It gets better.

There is $25 million in a box, in a safe. The reason it's in a box, is so the security company holding the box wouldn't know its contents. And now they want to put the money in a safer place. Because the present government isn't friendly with her family. I've also won tons of lotteries that I haven't entered.

But the thing that gets me these days is the new word verification procedure. I can't get the words on my first try. They're all tilted and elongated under crossing lines and it confuses me. After my third try the site usually tells me to just type a letter of the alphabet, any letter, it doesn't matter, just be competent enough to strike a key. That's the kind of motivation that can make one start writing a blog.

Callow adj : lacking adult sophistication: immature

lessons never learned

Sometimes as we are making mistakes, we realize that we are making the mistake, and we can not do anything to prevent ourselves from making the mistake. It's one of those battles we have within ourselves, and the reasonable one always loses. Why does he lose? Well, I think it's because he's reasonable, and the irrational one is just so much more fun to go with, he's like "yeah, come'on, I know it's crazy, but it'll be great." And it's always crazy, but it's not always great. This was one of the not great nights.

I have made many mistakes, too many to mention, however, tonite I repeated one. Again. Stupid Hoss, stupid, stupid Hoss.

All is not lost. But I have decided to ground myself for the next week or so to try to do some learning from this repeating. Yes, I'm dispensing some self-parenting, because otherwise, I'm not sure I'll learn. Nevermind that I wouldn't have got myself into trouble had I been out.

No matter how down things are at any particular moment, no matter how hard one tries to be on oneself, things will look better in the light of a new day. What a sappy self-promotional speech. Put the head down, keep chugging. Too busy to think.

Assiduous adj : marked by careful unremitting attention or persistent application.

case of the missing potato

My apartment smells like potato. Maybe it's all the potats I've been eating. I dunno, it seems like there's a potato that went awol and now is just sitting around providing odor.

In other news (learned from Gregg Easterbrook); Voyager has an 8-kilobyte active memory in its main computers, versus a standard 128 megabytes in new desktop PCs for home use. That is to say, your home computer has 16,000 times more processing power than the computer running a spacecraft that has left the solar system.

And I'm spending my free time looking for a mysterious potato. The cusp of civilization, I tells ya.

Porn, dubbed from English into French, is how I'm learning how to speak French. So far, chicks do not dig it.

chanteuse : a female concert or nightclub singer.

Finally, I have to say something about the weather. I'm talking to random old ladies I meet on the street about it, and now I have to record it here. The train of thought that is in my head while I walk around is "this is October?" Because it's not usually 30 degrees Celsius in October. I'm not going to say global warming, the core of earth is a big ball of fire. Because the world does heat up and melt, and clearly we're at a heating up stage. Ok fine, we might be, as a species, accelerating the process of heating up just a tad. So hurricanes, earthquakes, Tsunami's, and outdoor pools in Ottawa in October. This fire is out of control.

Plus side. Chicks in summer dresses and nice skirts. I must have quite the foolish grin on sometimes.

Black Hat Brigade

Never bet against Brett Favre on Monday night, it's a maxim. Against the NFC pick to go to the superbowl, on the road, it might be tough for him to win, but still. Can't bet against Favre on monday night.

So Naomi Klien has a book out, No Logo. I read it years ago when it first came out. That's right, I'm hip to the scene before the scene is hip.

A few years ago I obtained (read: stole from my brother) a fitted hat, that fits me. It's all black, no logo. I've been wearing it, that and my Toronto Maple Leafs hat (that I've had for about 16 years now, I have problems letting things go) around. So, now I see lots of people with the No Logo hat.

Which is funny, because I wanted to know the score of a Red Sox-Yankees game this past friday night, and I went up to a guy who was wearing a fitted Red Sox hat. I asked him if the Red Sox won. His response was "of course they did, otherwise I wouldn't be wearing this hat" or something of that ilk.

So this joke, a Boston Red Sox fan in Ottawa, Ontario Canada, is all about the winning team. What's the lesson to be learned? I cheer for me, and I'll always be my own fan, that's why I wear a hat with no logo. Others cling to a winning team on the hopes of looking cool by being associated with a winner.

Well, now I gots fans all over. Lots of guys are wearing variations of the no logo hats. We are the black hat brigade. Our motto is "peace, love, and evolution of the mind." Just kidding. We have no motto.

We were going to go with "rah rah rah", but then we realized how foolish it would be to attach a slogon to a motif of 'no logo'.

For pedagogic reasons, it just might be simpler to say you learn something new everyday.

Pedagogy n : the art or profession of teaching; esp : education.

just sick

Tonite I found myself saying "what" over and over again, and every time I said it my voice reached a higher pitch. I think my neighbours would have wondered what made me talk outloud to myself in such a manner.

I thought the highlight of the Cleveland Tampa game tonite came early on when Toby Hall (the D-Rays catcher) and Coco Crisp (batter for the Indians) almost came to blows because, get this, Crisp was taking too long to step into the batters box. When Hall motioned for Crisp to hurry up as Crisp was stepping to the plate, Crisp took a step back and brushed some dirt off his shoe. Hall got up, Crisp stepped up, bullpens emptied. Just another basebrawl. Cooler heads prevailed and they played. And then....

Ron Belliard. Cleveland Indians second baseman. Top of seventh against the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Runner on first. go to mlb.com and check their highlights, I'm sure they'll have it. The play was sick. I think that the words 'sick' and 'what' are the only two that I can use to properly describe the visual situation.

Here's the word of the day.

Ron Belliard n 1 : infield baseball player 2: dude can flat out ball.

directly addressing the matter

Tonite on Monday night football Al Michaels referred to the home field advantage that the Denver Broncos have as being "worth 1.5 points in the spread."

The man has to be a legend to get away with addressing the gambling aspect of football on air. They've always alluded to it, but never talked about it so openly.

Baseball. Just finished watching the debacle that was the monday night game between Kansas City and Denver and flipped over to San Diego to catch the end of the Giants-Padres game. I like to believe that as I'm flipping channels, I'm travelling.

Whats going to haunt me until I die is the female voice saying "Andrew, it's dry and it doesn't smell bad."

Back to the game, Peavy was pitching. 2-1 Padres top of ninth, Hoffman in. Ellison on first base for the Giants, Winn up to bat, 2 out. Winn hits one deep to centre, Giles goes back back back, leaps at the wall, hits the wall with his back, catches the ball at the wall but drops it as he bounces off the wall and hits the ground. The fireworks operator at Petco Field hit the fireworks button thinking the game was over. Not at all. Ellison scores, 2-2, Winn at third. The next batter Vizquel walks. The next batter J.T. Snow (a roomate of Hoffman at university), singles through the right side to score Winn. 3-2 Giants

Game one of the series, Peavy did the pitching. Vizquel makes 2 great defensive plays to bookend the ninth inning.

It's three games behind for the Giants now.

I may not believe in much, but I do believe that the phrase "the tying run is on base and Barry Bonds is on deck" must not sit well with opposing team pitchers.

Pettifog vb 1 : to engage in legal trickery 2 : to quibble over insignificant details

How was your day?

Sometimes you open your mind and heart through the keyboard and the internet decides to delete it. It doesn't matter. The moment is lost but the word is not.

Manque adj : short of or frustrated in the fulfillment of one's aspirations or talents.

reflections of a window on a wall

Horology n : the science of measuring time or constructing time-indicating instruments.

The horologist time-traveller noted the amount of electronic/mechanical devices adorned by some classes of humans to recognize which century he had landed in. It was particularly interesting, he remarked, that the initial mechanical construct carried around by the general populace was a form of time telling device. It was furthermore of note that to him that there were those who believed in a superior consciousness being with attributes remarkably similar to humans. These people would use the 'watch-on-a-beach' analogy to argue the existence of there patriarchal superior.

Not taking sides in the argument, the horologist decided that he would provide evidence that everyone can be right. The evidence was called 'smilements'; the usage of smiles to measure the length of moments. The idea for smilements came to him as he eavesdropped on a conversation between a squirrel and a rabbit.

The concept that other animals listen to each other and that most humans do not listen to the animals (domesticated creatures notwithstanding) was baffling to the horologist. So he listened to the squirrel and rabbit discuss how quickly they could move once they heard the approach of a humanoid.

The rabbit remarked how once he was in the middle of a large smilement when a humanoid approached, and how this smilement was so all-encompassing that he forgot to run. The squirrel thought (and correctly so) that humanoids did not recognize the importance of smilements, and rushed along quickly to other things that they had planned to be moments. He continued and remarked that smilements were felt by few humanoids, but those who did know what a smilement was were not respected by other humanoids because of their lack of hygiene.

How do you measure your moments? With memories? As babies, we could never imagine how fast life moves. Before you know it, you're standing at the precipice of your life. All you can see is another pair of eyes. The eyes are smiling because you gave them smilements. And so it was, and so it will always be.

The band is with me

Slightly over confident, or perhaps more than slightly, I decided that confidence manifests itself physically right next to consciousness. And that I was to have more of it. Why not?

Actually, it makes me wonder. Confidence has two slightly different definitions. Why won't someone talk about the duality of confidence? I guess if you want a job done right...

1 Confidence n 1: trust, reliance 2: self-assurance, boldness 3 : a state of trust or intimacy.

2 Confidence adj : of or relating to swindling by false promises.

I took myself aside and told in confidence, myself, that I had the confidence to succeed in being the most confident confidant ever.

Somedays a person just doesn't have his best stuff to throw at the plate. Today is one of those days. Best to go to sleep early and to better in the morn.

Ghost in the machine

Feeling bored, I tried to solve the mystery that is human consciousness. It made me tired. Basically, I tried to pinpoint consciousness' physical location. I couldn't place it in my brain, couldn't place it in my heart, couldn't place it in my toes. I just couldn't feel it. Where is it? Is it in my brain?

And then, poof, that thought process was gone. Tempus edax rerum: time, that devours all things.

I find that the popularity of the Daily Show now has changed it. I compare it to the same show I watched 5 or so odd years ago, and now thanks to hooting and hollering from the audience every time someone comes on camera, a good 2 minutes of the show have been lost. Perhaps the louder people are, the less they feel they have to hear what others have to say and just seeing them is enough. Perhaps the more one types on a blog that is seemingly going nowhere, the less he has to do which could actually be productive and thinks that just writing is enough. I think I just touche'd myself.

Damn Padres beat the Rockies tonite. Only because Peavy pitched for them. I think he has 2 starts left, which means, by my account, they have 2 wins left. Hopefully one of those games is against the Giants and Barry rips into him and he loses. Needless to say, the Giants have to sweep them. They can still do it. Go San Fran.

The answer to the question is $20. I've bet $20 that the Giants can win their division.

What I learned in school

Tautology: needless repetition of an idea, statement, or word; also : an instance of such repetition.

My Korean History professor mentioned that word after he was repeating himself. And someone asked him what it meant. I think I like it when people aren't afraid to look stupid, possibly because I've perfected that art.

I have added a link to Jordan's radio troop. It's called Screaming Halibut and it's ten minutes of sketch comedy on the radio. Some of it is funny. Well, most of it is funny. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that listen for yourself and see if you find it funny.

I'm now speaking to myself as if I was second person. Sometimes I speak in third person, so if I'm writing to myself I'd end up writing in third person to second person. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but let me give an example. 'The Hoss thinks that you need to make sure that he has some rice because he's running out of rice.' And that is how I make a grocery list.

Oh, and I think it's official. The lovely ladies who give me my weather are attractive to the point that I turn the tv on in the morning to see what the weather is like and then completely ignore what they have to say and possibly end up inappropriately dressed. Now I know that listening is a skill, and sometimes I really have to make an effort to do it, it just goes to show that mornings are not a time when I can go and make that effort. Basically, I wish I could cast the weather ladies.

Conversation overheard at a coffee shop. Girl telling guy how she got groped at the latest meat market club and perhaps there should be girl speak that rates bars in terms of gropage. I think I just invented a word. Nevertheless, they probably already have a scale like that.

The Chicago White Sox are pulling off what could be the biggest choke of all time, strike that the yankees had the biggest, while the San Fransisco Giants are separately pulling off what could be the biggest "when did that happen?" run at a division title.

The boomerang that is love

I think Eddie Murphy was in a movie called Boomerang or something.

The dude on the radio just said, in a song "I'm gonna look in the dictionary, and find the words to use." And Truman show paranoia sets in for me.

Leafs Sens preseason hockey. Ay, the game, she be back. Like sailor's wives who have just had their men return to shore, soon the bars will be full of men drinking and celebrating in unison the return of the lady they love. We are all gay. Orange juice is gay, and yes orange juice is a man. Water is gay.

So Sens win the preseason game. Whoop-dee-do. Sens fans that I have spoken with are paying serious attention to their back-up goalie Emery. Heh heh, both the Leafs and Sens have really old goalies. As a Leaf fan, Sens fans seem to constantly comment "at least our team doesn't have concussion problems." Well, the team might not, but the fans certainly do. Zing.

Bestir: to rouse to action. Possibly the opposite of be still.

My hunger bestirs me to the sandwiches.

Lost in Translation

Having dinner with my mother one day I got a lottery, I mean fortune cookie. I loved it. She didn't get it until I explained it. I present it to you. It reads,

"Now is the time to make circles with mints, do not haste any longer."

Now that's a beautiful fortune. It makes complete and total sense to me.

Lost/misplaced my thesaurus. Emailed Sports Guy at ESPN and told him to contact Merriam-Webster to get the definition of "fail" changed. No response yet, but he did list about 10-20 other emails that others sent him.

Finished reading Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe. Then listened to the Roots album by the same name. They mention him in the bopping tune 100% Dundee. Then saw a BBC report on the African aids crisis where the British reporter casually threw the phrase "things fall apart" into his report. That's three times now. Either I need a new hobby or have to find a way to join some people and share my hobby of looking for random repetition in the universe. Collective unconsciousness at its finest.

Anyways, in honour of Chinua I present Dashiki: modification of Yoruba danshiki: a usu. brightly coloured loose-fitting pullover garment.

Add that to my manteau and I'd have a foundation for quite a wardrobe.

Cuff the Duke play on Saturday night. Remember to write a review of that show. Sigur Ros play on Sunday night, hopefully will be to distracted to think about writing for that one. Have 2 days to brush up on romantic skills, which are weak to nonexistant at best. Best strategy is to set the bar low in terms of romance. Sure, it won't woo many girls, but when it does happen to work then it will be cool. Either I'm really tired or I'm so unromantic that all I can think of is that it would be cool.

Ending on a positive note. Saved a dog from being hit by a car early in this morning. Cute little dog too. SUV would have crushed it.

sleep and dreams call. I think tonite I'll be a pirate.